-Phase 3- "Hope"
-When I stopped watching porn I felt better even after few days of abstinence
-But when I stumbled across NoFap, it sounded like the chance for me to heal
-But because I was still so addicted NoFap just led to harder porn relapses
-so after a huge, terrible feeling relapse I decided just to crack down on porn
-It was during lockdown and it was great: motivationb for school, enjoying the small things in life and for the first time real sexual desire ( what I felt before was just the addiction)
-But I realized that it wasn't enough because I still felt awful often. So I stopped masturbating. And it was crazy.
-This numbness in my head diminished and I could think again and be creative( I used to be the best in my class in the latin language before POIS), I felt emotionally calm, I wanted to live, I began to develop normal teenage desires, my vision got better, that dream-like mental state disappeared, the congested nose got clearer and clearer... That developed for 15-20 days. Then after roughly three weeks I had a phase where I experienced like a "high" where I would experience that mental clearness and happiness 10 times more than the days before and after these terrible years that felt really amazing. But when I thought that it would stay like this it got worse again but not as bad as normal Pois. Then after two weeks I had a high again. Then I felt worse and so it went from up and down more and more to my normal state. So 6 weeks after my last orgasm I felt 75 percent normal but I still felt slower in my head and my social phobia was still there and my vision was still strange and blurry. Then one day in school ( I was at the depressed phase at the moment) there was this tingling from my spine into my head and then it was all there again: my vision, my personality and my intelligence. It was like entering a different dimension. But the right one I had missed for so long. I can't decribe that feeling properly, to be honest. It was three years ago and I still recall it as if it was yesterday. I made it! After 7 weeks of no orgasm, I felt normal for the first time since three years. But... It didn't last long. After 15 minutes that mental state went away again and I felt as before, but I was sure that it would come back soon and I just had to carry on for some time until I was completely cured. So...Why Am I here?
Well - I made a terrible mistake: A few days after that incredible moment,(felt pretty good, like 75 % of myself), I decided to try smoking. There isn't a special reason for that. I think I just felt like a normal teenager at that point and wanted to try things out (the only time of my youth when I felt like other teenagers). That cigarette was the worst idea of my life. After I've done that, I felt as if I had a huge POIS setback. The worst I've ever had. I don't remember whether my physical symptoms got worse but I know that I felt as if a part of my brain had been ripped off for some days. It was the worst feeling I've ever had. I realized that I had to begin again with my abstinence but I didn't know back then that everything had changed from that point. I didn't realize that POIS just has really started for me