Author Topic: Fear of symptoms  (Read 416 times)

Clues

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Fear of symptoms
« on: July 09, 2021, 04:20:36 PM »
Hi all.

To those who don't know me: I'm 41, and have had POIS for at least 20 years. I live with my wife and my 9-year-old son.

I'd like to just share a realisation I had, and and experience.

It took me such a long time to learn about my condition, as I have several different triggers, and the symptoms can last for about a week. In the last couple of years I've made a big effort to understand and improve my condition, and I've been partially successful at both. At the same time, I've gotten better at sharing and discussing the symptoms with my wife, which has been incredibly helpful.

It took me a long time to realise this, but I think one of the worst aspects of POIS for me is the pressure of trying to avoid triggers so I can manage to be a good husband and dad. For me, even mild-to-moderate exertion can trigger symptoms, so I'm always performing that mental arithmetic. "Can I do this thing I'm about to do, or will it set off the symptoms? What's the chance? 40%? 60%? Do I take it? How disappointed will my kid be if I can't play sports with him? How out of it will I be if I come down with symptoms? Do I have any upcoming meetings or social engagements?"

The three of us in our family are a pretty tightly-knit bunch, and we don't tend to be apart for long periods. Yesterday, my kid and my wife went on a planned nine-day trip to my in-laws, a solid train ride away. Leading up to them leaving, I found myself really looking forward to the alone time. To the point where I felt bad about it. But I'm trying to turn it around and allow myself to just enjoy the relief of not having to worry about being a drag. And what a massive relief it is. Two days in, and I feel like I'm walking on clouds. I miss them, but also it's amazing, so very very good, to be able to exercise, or masturbate, or eat certain foods that I'm not really sure are OK, without worry. Sure, I might hit a brick wall, being careless like this, but I know it won't affect anyone else's day. I'll just barricade myself in my apartment until it passes. ::)

I know I'm lucky to have milder symptoms than many on the forum, and that others may not have the luxury of being able to take risks like that. Thanks for reading, and best of luck to everyone on the forum.