Depressive mood with long orgasm abstinence

[whateverestest]

I'm wondering if it's only me, but that has always been an issue for me. Along with orgasm abstinence I tend to get depressed thoughts like "we're all going to die anyways, what's the point of it". This has been an issue for me for a long time in the past, and I think it's returning now as I'm coming back to longer abstinence periods. I feel like on one hand I can remain in abstinence, act normal at the outside (in social situations and so on) and feel depressed, or have my POIS symptoms (which sometimes lead to depressive thoughts themselfs thorugh anxiety) but are generally less depressed then on abstinence.

Is this only me? Does somebody else has also simillar problem with depressive thought that occure with abstinence?

[IWontGiveUp]

100% feel the same way. But the abstinence depression is more of a calm/emotional one where as the POIS one is just bluntness/irritability and anxiety that causes it.

[Observer]

Maybe you should visit a therapist to address those negative thoughts. This therapist could help you discover the source of this negative thoughts and give you a clear pathway to address your depression.

It seems we are dealing with two different states. It might help you to recover in your "abstinence state". Don't dismiss this advice since it is something that has worked out for people here previously.

Thanks.

[demografx]

Thanks, Observer.

[cyberguy137]

Yes..

One of the things I realized with my last psychologists is there are some benefits to masturbation and starting to see trade offs. For a long time I only looked at masturbation in a negative light, given my struggles with POIS (severe brain for for 1-2 days after ejaculation).

However masturbation can be very calming and I find it helps me in some ways combat anxiety and even loneliness and depresssion as well. That's why i still ejaculate once a week (in addition to lack of self discipline - I would like to decrease to once every 2 weeks).

Understanding tradeoffs has helped me bu the struggle continues. Try to limit to once a week, but don't go too hard on yourself if you can't limit more than that. The fact is orgasm is helpful in many ways so there are *trade offs*.

 

[whateverestest]

Yes, there I see the trade-offs. One of pros of masturbation (if not using porn) is that you don't wanna **** everything that moves.
language, please

But i rember in the past I could stay longer without masturbation. Now I'm in a constant state where after a week of abstinence I sometimes get so nervous, I'm nervous because I'm afraid of losing all the benefits of abstinence and that I will have to go through it again. Then I do it (have sex if possible, or masturbate) because I can't stand the nervousness... It's like a never ending cycle.

The most managed to stay without masturbation nowadays was 14days, but I don't know if I was better off than, because after 1st week I was very nervous about this fact that I can "loose all this in a moment", which resulted in an anxiety-like state (although I think little better then the orgasm induced-anxiety).

ps. I'm seeing a therapis...

[demografx]

Yes, there I see the trade-offs. One of pros of masturbation (if not using porn) is that you don't wanna **** everything that moves.
language, please

[Guts]

You can have peroids of celibacy ...but after many yearsof those periods your psychological symtpoms increase and you get angry, nervous and a bunch of other frustrations....sometimes to the point where you cannot sit sstill, read a book or watch TV.

When i was younger i actually had celibacy periods of years..now im 32 and its much harder barely able to stay celibate for 1 month.

One advantage is indeed that you stop valueing woman for sex but rather see them as human beings, this leads to better friendships and perspectives on life. Downside is i don't have any friends because of health problems

[Investigator]

I definitely am not a fan of abstinence, here is why.

1) If I abstain, I enter the risk zone of a wet dream. This can happen at a very inappropriate time, when I have important stuff the next day. Even worse: if I don't take my garlic extract before O, things can go really wrong. I am better off scheduling the O and taking a garlic pill in preparation.

2) As noted, it's really depressing to think of abstaining. Else, if you keep a schedule, at least a few days of the week you live the way you'd like to. I would be horny the day of my scheduled orgasm, leave my important meetings for work for that day, put my best clothes, approach some women, maybe even go on a date, then masturbate, and then keep the cycle going. But at least that one day I feel satisfaction of a fulfilled day.

3) I sometimes think that at least partially, a reason for POIS might be the enormous loads of sperm that I ejaculate. I've had periods in my life with little/insufficient sexual activity. Maybe my body is not "used to" this and gets stressed out. Maybe my HR is not within what it should be. Maybe the immune system hasn't had enough of a chance to get used to my sperm and hence some kind of an allergic reaction. I don't know which of these. But I am against the idea of abstinence.

[whateverestest]

Anybody can address this issue anyhow? This is currently my biggest problem, apart the fact that I have POIS, I can't abstaine form O either, because from caring too much about everything that starts 1 day after O, I get to the point at day 7 of abstinence, where I don't care pretty much about anything. In those days I have practicly no mood for doing anything, I feel depressed. I feel that if I have O it will be bad for like 5 days (again... and again), but if I abstaine it is also bad because I'm not doing anything to 'step out of my comfort zone' (yes, I don't like this coach saying either), and to make a small step in breaking the cycle.

In the past I don't know with the O abstinence I was more eager to socialize, I also somehow managed to do things at that period (I could go for like a month, maybe more without O), but now I somehow lost this ability. I don't know if it's my body telling me that it's time to stop this nonsense, about believing it has that much effect on me. But anyways it does a bit.

any feedback will be appreciated, if somebody was in simillar situation, namely having like O abstinence depression-like issue, when wasn't able to do much at all at life. (didn't have power, willingness to do anything)

[Quantum]

Anybody can address this issue anyhow? This is currently my biggest problem, apart the fact that I have POIS, I can't abstaine form O either, because from caring too much about everything that starts 1 day after O, I get to the point at day 7 of abstinence, where I don't care pretty much about anything. In those days I have practicly no mood for doing anything, I feel depressed. I feel that if I have O it will be bad for like 5 days (again... and again), but if I abstaine it is also bad because I'm not doing anything to 'step out of my comfort zone' (yes, I don't like this coach saying either), and to make a small step in breaking the cycle.

In the past I don't know with the O abstinence I was more eager to socialize, I also somehow managed to do things at that period (I could go for like a month, maybe more without O), but now I somehow lost this ability. I don't know if it's my body telling me that it's time to stop this nonsense, about believing it has that much effect on me. But anyways it does a bit.

any feedback will be appreciated, if somebody was in simillar situation, namely having like O abstinence depression-like issue, when wasn't able to do much at all at life. (didn't have power, willingness to do anything)

Hi whateverestest ,

When I was younger, abstaining would lead me to get more stressed, like a tension build up.  With years of practice, I found that part of this tension and the impression that I had to release this tension through a release was part of a cultural programming.  In our culture, there is a strong and pervasive programming that a "real" male must be horny almost all the time, must have a strong sexual drive, and must have sex regularly, to manifest his virility. The ever present use of attractive women in ads and magazine, and the woman fashion with very sexualized way of dressing, is also part of this programming.  Once I had "deprogrammed" myself from that cultural belief, it has been much easier for me to abstain for long periods. It is amazing how powerful our beliefs are on our body and emotional reactions.  I still do abstain for long periods.  For me, it is not at all a non-sense, it makes my life much easier to manage, with far less POIS to control.

With time, I have learned the signs of an upcoming NE, and I have learned to control my daily stress, because NE often happens in response to stress.  If needed, I use a "scheduled" ejaculation at a safe time to prevent a NE at an unwanted time.  I rarely have to do it anymore, and used to do it maybe once a month, or less.   

I did not have depressive thoughts, though, like you have.  But maybe there is a more or less conscious programming in you that the sexual drive is what is energizing the rest and is the locomotive in life - just try to see what in your way of seeing things may lead abstinence to cause depressive mood and lack of interest in life.  Because, humans are not purely animals, there is much more to human life than just breeding and prepetuate the species

[demografx]

Quantum, that is truly a thought-provoking piece you just wrote. I am still subject to some of this cultural brainwashing you describe, but you’ve motivated me to de-program even more. Even at this later stage of my life.

[jdog78]

You may have depression that is unrelated to POIS. I say this because once I went a significant period of time without O and realized I also suffer from depression (different from POIS depression) and went with an antidepressant. Exercise, eating healthy, meds and re framing from O and I feel like a new man. It may not be depression for you in the classic sense but wanted to chime in because medication made a significant difference for me personally. Now if I O I get POIS depression and I don't feel well until the 7-10day mark. Again this may not be you but thought my experience may help.

[LookingForACure]

I once heard someone that sex only matters when you are not having it, and I've found this to be true. I find that the longer I remain abstinent, the more appealing and psychologically significant sex becomes to me. As a result, my inability to have a (dread-free) sex life weighs on me heavily. I feel like I'm missing out on a great part of life that other people my age can experience with impunity. I also have found that I am more sensitive about romantic rejection - I often ruminate about past relationships that didn't work out.

I still think abstinence is worthwhile for my POIS as it allows me to function and feel like a human, even if sometimes my emotions can be volatile. I have started on antidepressants recently to attenuate some of the abstinence-related depression, and I hope they will help me relapse less frequently.