Abstinence (my only solution)

[KalEl]

This is my story:

So I have POI. Never thought I had it and I just thought that this was how everybody felt after an O.
I started joining the No Fap community and see the solution they offered there, cause I thought was just a lack of drive consequential of me having to much sex ( I have been in a relationship for 3 years having sex almost daily).

I'm 28 years old and I felt bad after everysingle time but my life was super easy so I did not need that extra energy or to feel that well. The symptoms I had afterwards I was willing to pay for the sex I had.

The problem start occurring when I started working and doing some exercise, my life became busy and with that the evidence that showed me how having a O leaves me with something that I would define as 20% of me ( at most).

So I started asking my GF if we could have sex in a way that she would come but I wouldn't.
She was very reluctant and actually didn't approve.

This left me in a cycle where I would battle for a while and than after I had to give her what she wanted (for whatever reason).
But this only worsened the situation since everytime post O I would freak out just imagining what feeling of wellness I throw away for some seconds of pleasure.

At one moment I said to her "I'm not going to have a O for months", at the beginning she said "ok", than after a while she said she would leave me if I countinued with my practice.

The first time I let her win, than after a while a decided that I couldn't go one more day in the situation since I wasn't feeling good at all.
I decided that my well being was the first thing that mattered to me, and I said to my self that if she wanted to leave just for that ( keep in mind that we have sex regularly where she come and I dont) she could go.

And that is what happened.
I think abstination is the best solution for who has our condition.

At the same time I do believe that everybody as some sort of drawback for having sex before doing something important.
I just have it more severe and for a longer period of time.

I also took many supplement but nothing compare with the feeling of going 10/15 days without O.

[Quantum]

Thanks KalEl for sharing your POIS story.


POIS in a relationship is not simple to manage.   I have decades of experience in this matter.   I have already underlined the fact that, in order for a relationship to lasts despite POIS, you have to be with a person who is truly a generous person, centered in the heart, and who is also intelligent above average, enough to understand the complexity of this rare and disconcerting disorder that nobody has never heard of.

Even then, it is not easy.   I have used, some years ago, this same strategy you have experimented with, that is, my spouse would climax, but not me.   It took sometime before she became at ease with this, it's not 'normal' in our culture, and POIS could be the only reason in the world why a man woudn't want to climax at the end of an intimate relation.  It took also some time for me to get use to stay with this high stimulation without releasing it.   Lots of yoga, exercise, meditation, etc..... to put out the fire.

Developing my pre-pack has made my life easier, of course.   I couldn't go on with 2 to 3 days of becoming an exhausted madman each time I had a release.    I hear you 100% when you say that choosing well-being and sanity may become more important than a relationship.

You may find, on this forum, some suggestions that could bring you some relief.  Even 50% to 60% relief could make your life much simpler.

   

[KalEl]

Thanks KalEl for sharing your POIS story.


POIS in a relationship is not simple to manage.   I have decades of experience in this matter.   I have already underlined the fact that, in order for a relationship to lasts despite POIS, you have to be with a person who is truly a generous person, centered in the heart, and who is also intelligent above average, enough to understand the complexity of this rare and disconcerting disorder that nobody has never heard of.

Even then, it is not easy.   I have used, some years ago, this same strategy you have experimented with, that is, my spouse would climax, but not me.   It took sometime before she became at ease with this, it's not 'normal' in our culture, and POIS could be the only reason in the world why a man woudn't want to climax at the end of an intimate relation.  It took also some time for me to get use to stay with this high stimulation without releasing it.   Lots of yoga, exercise, meditation, etc..... to put out the fire.

Developing my pre-pack has made my life easier, of course.   I couldn't go on with 2 to 3 days of becoming an exhausted madman each time I had a release.    I hear you 100% when you say that choosing well-being and sanity may become more important than a relationship.

You may find, on this forum, some suggestions that could bring you some relief.  Even 50% to 60% relief could make your life much simpler.

   

Thanks for the quick response, yes I hope to find some solution for the problem.
But I have to say that for me abstination is not that big of a deal, especially for all the things I have to do (or I want to do). I'm 28 and being in a relationships for about 12 years in total (I have done more than enough sex for the moment), I will try to keep my self happy.

It also fascinates me how things change after O not only energy wise, but also about mood and depression in general (What affects me the most are: Little kind of depression, I can't stay doing nothing cause I feel i'm missing something, but at the same time a can't force my self to do the important things in my life, so I will just sit procrastinating and doing all the things that are just quick fixes. Also irratibililty, my skin is like there is a changing, if I do not O I can cuddles with my GF and stay inside her for no limited time, after O if she touch me, it bore me and makes me wanna yell "don't touch me!".



Yea it is true that in OUR society we have to climax. But at the same time in many couples the opposite verify (so the woman can't reach O, but nobody make a big deal out of it).
Luckily my GF come pretty fast (it does not depend from me, but it is the way she is).

I just can't understand all this big deal about not Ejaculating.
If the table reverse now, and my GF would have told me: "Listen I don't want to come for this period of time".
For me It would have been a no brain "Yes, no prob".

It is not like I don't feel affection if we have coutous for 1h or for as long we want without O.

Anyway, long story short, I'm really happy to have found a place where there are people that understand.

Kind regards to all of you!

PS FOR THE ADMIN: I have to say that the question you have to post and to registrate in this forum are quite hard! For some one like me that is not native English speaker.
Can some one tells me all the answers??

Which symptom of POIS is B/f??? Luckly it changed question if not I wasn't able to post.

[Unvers]

I was considering to stay in abstinence for life but don't know for sure, this can be depressing.

[KalEl]

I was considering to stay in abstinence for life but don't know for sure, this can be depressing.

I don't think it is going to be depressing, cause I do believe that after a while you will feel great. Obviosily O is a great feeling, but just thinking at what I would loose it makes the choice for me easy.
I have to say it is not easy till a point ( I did O multiple times after I said "this is the last time!!"), sometimes cause of my lack of effort or to find a way to relax (even though is vicious circle), sometimes because my girlfriend was stupid enough not to understand me, so to make her happy I prioritize her happiness instead of mine.
Should never have done that.

[Unvers]

I am also on Nofap and have the sensation that also there there is little understanding for us considering that it is mainly a site against porn and masturbation but sex positive.

The answer is brain f**, it was difficult also for me to find the answer.

[jdog78]

I find that abstinence is the best solution but also the most difficult to maintain. Currently I aim for abstinence and when I give in, I take a few supplements, exercise and use caffeine for a few days and get on with life. People look for a cause or trigger but I personally believe it's genetic and a form of an autoimmune disorder. If I lift really heavy in the gym I have the same exact symptoms of POIS as if I had O or busted a nut. It is strange that I don't recall POIS until I was in my early 20's, that being said I may have not made the connection and the symptoms have increased with time e.g., tired as hell, cranky, crave shit food, feel lazy, depression, antisocial, and just want to lay in bed and eat snacks, watch TV and sleep. At 45 I have come to the conclusion that cold showers, vegan diet, gluten free, exercise and a host of other things make me feel great when not in POIS and really help when in POIS by reducing the symptoms and the days it takes to recover but in the end not blowing a load is the best way to remain feeling well and doing all the other things. Some call me middle aged and older, true but I still feel healthy and in shape. I have several years of production and health, I'm going to focus on abstinence, know that I will fail at times but will also succeed and be productive in this one life we have. Not crapping on guys that jerk off daily or whatever but one has to realize that it is always going to lead to feeling unwell or not your best. Again no judgement and we all have the freedom to choose what we do with this one life, just consider trading that O release for walking in nature or spending time with family. Best of luck guys and girls, you are not alone and life for us is just a little harder. As my mom always said, it could be worse e.g., unable to walk, terminal disease or a host of situations that others suffer. 

[quiteQuiet]

I see this is an older post. But it is interesting.
I'm sad for OP that the relationship ended because of this. I can relate to that. At the same time I also believe that health is the most important thing. Would be good if all people were understanding.