Author Topic: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl  (Read 7168 times)

Spartak

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Hello guys! Need your help.

As a guy  in mid 20s ,I went to a lot of troubles when it comes about relationships.

In the begging (in the teens),I saw my problem as a shameful thing,so I didn't told to girls that I have P.O.I.S(I didn't know thename back then ,I called it "problem" ) ,
actually I din't told to anyone.Ofc that relations would broke very fast,because when I am under P.O.I.S ,to left home is hard like to go to the moon,also unfortunately I can be cruel toward them while in pois mode.

Later when I decided to be honest,reactions were very differente,some girls would not take that seriousuly,some would pretend to care and later broke up with me,some would ignore the fact, etc..I literally haven't found girl that have any sort of serious
understanding for our situation,on the other hand I can undrstand them,
also I felt bad for them, becuase instead of having normal relationship and sexual life,they need to waste time with me and my problems.

Also there is always on my mind,that I do not need relationship because it makes me suffer a lot.
Last time I had relationship,I lost job,some friends,I suffered from P.I.O.S most of the time.


Sorry for long post,I am not very good in English,I hope that you guys can understand.
Tnx in advance for any help and advice that you can give.

Also I am intereasted about thoughs and your expirience about rasing a family with P.I.O.S
(I read about it in other threads,but didn't found much about life with kids for example)

« Last Edit: April 26, 2016, 08:25:45 PM by Spartak »
no sugar diet helps me a tiny bit, also makes my mind much calmer in general. Sugar is definitely something my body does not handle well. Also I noticed that other inflammations like a hangover are better since I quit sugar. I avoid sweet fruits as well.

Quantum

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2016, 11:59:20 AM »
Hi Spartak, and welcome to the forum!

I am married for 25 years now, with POIS all the way ( POIS was there before, I have it for 37 years now).  So it is possible.  But, I think it is not possible with any woman - you have to be with a kind and understanding person, who has heart.  It will never work with a selfish person, centered only on her ego and on her needs.   Even when you are with an understandng person, POIS can be at times almost too much, so forget it if the other person do not have above than average capacity to understand, which implies an intelligent person ( POIS is a complex matter, intellectually limited individuals couldn't even start to understand what it is), and have an open mind ( POIS is a RARE disorder, so not part of what someone is expecting as a possibility, and is still unknown of almost everybody, even doctors).

My wife is an very intelligent woman, has a natural helper side, and is a very human, warm-hearted person.  That is why we are still together, along with the fact that, when not in POIS, I am also a caring and kind person.

Good luck, Spartak
You are 100% responsible for what you do with anything I post on this forum and of any consequence it could have for you.  Forum rule: ""Do not use POISCenter as a substitute for, or to give, medical advice" Read the remaining part at http://poiscenter.com/forums/index.php?topic=1.msg10259#msg10259

COLM_2

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2016, 02:35:46 PM »
Hi Spartak,

Your English was good. You could have been writing the story of when I was a young guy, the only difference being I never was able to tell any girl I was with about it. Relationships just broke up or I ended them.

Have had pois a long time also and am married 20+ years, and with children. Every few years you find something else in the coping skills toolkit and things that can help.

You are lucky in that in the next few years this problem will be resolved either through very good symptom management and hopefully a cure.

You have a lot of courage I think. Keep reading the forum and welcome also.

Take care,
Colm
Formerly user COLM (previous username accidentally deleted). Few decades with POIS.

demografx

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2016, 03:01:49 PM »
Welcome, Spartak!
10 years of significant POIS-reduction, treatment consisting of daily (365 days/year) testosterone patches.

TRT must be checked out carefully with your doctor due to fertility, cardiac and other risks.

40+ years of severe 4-days-POIS, married, raised a family, started/ran a business

Spartak

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2016, 02:35:50 PM »
Hi Spartak, and welcome to the forum!


Good luck, Spartak
Thank you Quantum!You can't imagine how encouraging your words are for me :)
I am really hapy to hear that you found wife that can understand and support you!
Good luck to you as well!
no sugar diet helps me a tiny bit, also makes my mind much calmer in general. Sugar is definitely something my body does not handle well. Also I noticed that other inflammations like a hangover are better since I quit sugar. I avoid sweet fruits as well.

Spartak

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2016, 02:46:10 PM »
Hi Spartak,

Your English was good.

You are lucky in that in the next few years this problem will be resolved either through very good symptom management and hopefully a cure.
Hi Colm,thank you!
I hope so my friend.
Your response means a lot of to me!
Good luck

Sorry guys for editing your posts,I did that to make thread easier to read.


Thank you Demo!


no sugar diet helps me a tiny bit, also makes my mind much calmer in general. Sugar is definitely something my body does not handle well. Also I noticed that other inflammations like a hangover are better since I quit sugar. I avoid sweet fruits as well.

Prancer

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The only obvious solution Spartak, unfortunately, is to find another POISer and make him dress up like a girl for you until you are fully cured. Skin tight jeans, eye glitter, everything!

:) I'm just joking with you Spartak! Actually, it's really not that difficult. It just seems that way when our minds begin to wonder about how others will perceive our pois problem. To tell or not to tell, that is the question. It's a good question that many of us will have to decide. Since each situation or relationship will be unique, it might differ depending on the person & relationship. For some, being upfront about the symptoms will be the better option, but for others, not telling is the way to go. After thinking about this for a while, I think the best way is to not tell at first (let the relationship grow a little and get going first), and once your gf becomes familiar with you and trusts you, then I would go ahead and be upfront about the problem. This way, there will be no preconceived ideas about you without actually experiencing you and the relationship first. You don't want there to be any false or erroneous beliefs formed before things even get going!

It's probably not easy for a non-poiser to get a grasp about what we're dealing with at first, but with a little time it's definitely possible. The key is finding someone who will have the ability to understand the problem (like I've said in an earlier post). Unfortunately, there might always be some who just don't get it. Finding the right person is definitely the best way to start. Good luck!! - Prancer

demografx

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The only obvious solution Spartak, unfortunately, is to find another POISer and make him dress up like a girl for you until you are fully cured. Skin tight jeans, eye glitter, everything!
;D ;D
10 years of significant POIS-reduction, treatment consisting of daily (365 days/year) testosterone patches.

TRT must be checked out carefully with your doctor due to fertility, cardiac and other risks.

40+ years of severe 4-days-POIS, married, raised a family, started/ran a business

zeynali900

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...,because when I am under P.O.I.S ,to left home is hard like to go to the moon,also unfortunately I can be cruel toward them while in pois mode.

Hi Spartak. It seems your POIS is so severe. You mean you get so tired that you find it so difficult to leave house?

Have you tried any remedies that are written by forum members, like Niacin? If your POIS is as severe as you described, I think you can't have a relationship until you find some remedy. I hope you find one, as most members have found.

Fortunately, my POIS is not that severe, I may be able to maintain a relationship, I just have to keep the ejaculation frequency very low, once a month or so. But unfortunately for me I couldn't find Niacin tablets because they are not produced nor imported to my country.
fatigue - eye fatigue - muscle weakness - poor mental functioning - problem recalling words - mild pain in muscles, eyes, head, and neck - lightheadedness - depression - lethargy - red eyes - fever
26 single male suffering since teenage
symptoms occur immediately or up to 30 minutes

Spartak

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The only obvious solution Spartak, unfortunately, is to find another POISer and make him dress up like a girl for you until you are fully cured. Skin tight jeans, eye glitter, everything!
;D ;D
:D lol ,good one ;) .. Any candidates here? :D

Joke aside,thank you Prancer!
no sugar diet helps me a tiny bit, also makes my mind much calmer in general. Sugar is definitely something my body does not handle well. Also I noticed that other inflammations like a hangover are better since I quit sugar. I avoid sweet fruits as well.

Spartak

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2016, 06:39:08 PM »
...,because when I am under P.O.I.S ,to left home is hard like to go to the moon,also unfortunately I can be cruel toward them while in pois mode.

Hi Spartak. It seems your POIS is so severe. You mean you get so tired that you find it so difficult to leave house?

Have you tried any remedies that are written by forum members, like Niacin? If your POIS is as severe as you described, I think you can't have a relationship until you find some remedy. I hope you find one, as most members have found.

Fortunately, my POIS is not that severe, I may be able to maintain a relationship, I just have to keep the ejaculation frequency very low, once a month or so. But unfortunately for me I couldn't find Niacin tablets because they are not produced nor imported to my country.
Hi zeynali900!
Yea,tierd and weak but also I notticed very strong brain fog 1st day of P.O.I.S ,also I have impression that I am so scared of people,like I feel
some sort of guilt for something. It is almost impossible to watch someone in the eyes.Last year,I notticed that I can barley talk on a 1st day,before that it was not that severe...damn my bad English :)
How to say,I feel like turned off,and list can go on.So yea 1st day seems to be really bad.
,2nd day is much better though.3rd day I am P.O.I.S free,somethimes I can have lack of motivation and self confidence on a 3rd day.
But no deppression
I understand you,Niacin with flush is also hard to find in my country, it was really hard to find it.
I am using it for few months already,it gives me releif from some symptoms, for example from crazy thoughts durring pois.
Didn't tried anything else


I have very high libido,so for me apstination is not easy at all,so when in relationship I tend to forget that I have P.O.I.S :/
Like,I wrote I lost job because of P.O.I.S

I hope that I didn't wrote something against the rulles :)

Take care!
« Last Edit: May 02, 2016, 07:02:34 PM by Spartak »
no sugar diet helps me a tiny bit, also makes my mind much calmer in general. Sugar is definitely something my body does not handle well. Also I noticed that other inflammations like a hangover are better since I quit sugar. I avoid sweet fruits as well.

demografx

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2016, 07:48:08 PM »
I hope that I didn't wrote something against the rulles :)
Your posts are excellent, Spartak :)


10 years of significant POIS-reduction, treatment consisting of daily (365 days/year) testosterone patches.

TRT must be checked out carefully with your doctor due to fertility, cardiac and other risks.

40+ years of severe 4-days-POIS, married, raised a family, started/ran a business

Prancer

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #12 on: May 02, 2016, 08:08:42 PM »
The only obvious solution Spartak, unfortunately, is to find another POISer and make him dress up like a girl for you until you are fully cured. Skin tight jeans, eye glitter, everything!
;D ;D
:D lol ,good one ;) .. Any candidates here? :D

Joke aside,thank you Prancer!

Haha, you're very welcome Spartak

zeynali900

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2016, 06:13:35 AM »
Yea, tired and weak but also I noticed very strong brain fog 1st day of P.O.I.S ,also I have impression that I am so scared of people, like I feel some sort of guilt for something. It is almost impossible to watch someone in the eyes.

Exactly matches my symptoms, just mine is a bit milder. This is a sign that you and me have the same cause of POIS. I think it is an issue with dopamine.

Common low dopamine symptoms include:
?   fatigue
?   lack of motivation
?   inability to experience pleasure
?   insomnia
?   hard time getting going in the morning
?   mood swings from positive to negative
?   forgetfulness
?   memory loss
?   inability to focus and concentrate
?   inability to connect with others
?   low libido
?   sugar cravings
?   caffeine cravings
?   inability to handle stress
?   inability to lose weight
?   depression
?   Undesirability for exercise
?   Lessened fluency of speech

sources:
http://medlicker.com/789-low-dopamine-causes-symptoms-diagnosis-and-treatment-options
http://bebrainfit.com/dopamine-deficiency
http://www.livestrong.com/article/346030-symptoms-of-dopamine-deficiency/
https://sites.google.com/site/poiswebsite/test-page/orgasm-induced-catecholamine-imbalance-via-pituitary-dysfunction

I guess fMRI can show what happens in our brains after O.
fatigue - eye fatigue - muscle weakness - poor mental functioning - problem recalling words - mild pain in muscles, eyes, head, and neck - lightheadedness - depression - lethargy - red eyes - fever
26 single male suffering since teenage
symptoms occur immediately or up to 30 minutes

zeynali900

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #14 on: May 03, 2016, 06:28:38 AM »

I have very high libido, so for me abstention is not easy at all, so when in relationship I tend to forget that I have P.O.I.S :/


Finally I may choose to marry an ugly girl so my libido will get low ;D
fatigue - eye fatigue - muscle weakness - poor mental functioning - problem recalling words - mild pain in muscles, eyes, head, and neck - lightheadedness - depression - lethargy - red eyes - fever
26 single male suffering since teenage
symptoms occur immediately or up to 30 minutes

Spartak

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2016, 09:52:38 AM »
^haha

Did you tested dophamine levels?

Well most of these are similar to some of my P.O.I.S symptoms ,let see:
Common low dopamine symptoms include:
?   fatigue -yes
?   lack of motivation -yes
?   inability to experience pleasure -YES
?   insomnia -not rally,but I usually have nightmares while in pois
?   hard time getting going in the morning -yes (with niacin there is some improvment for me)
?   mood swings from positive to negative -more like from negative,to less negative and vice verse
?   forgetfulness -yes
?   memory loss -yes
?   inability to focus and concentrate -yes
?   inability to connect with others -yes
?   low libido -depends ,it happes that I have loss of libido durring 1st day of  P.O.I.S ,but not neccesary.
?   sugar cravings - I think that sugar makes me feel worse
?   caffeine cravings - I avoid caffeine,I do not know does that have same root as POIS but caffeine makes me very euphoric and unable to think
?   inability to handle stress -yes
?   inability to lose weight -nope,I do not have problem with weight
?   depression -yes
?   Undesirability for exercise -true
?   Lessened fluency of speech-yes


Take care friend!
no sugar diet helps me a tiny bit, also makes my mind much calmer in general. Sugar is definitely something my body does not handle well. Also I noticed that other inflammations like a hangover are better since I quit sugar. I avoid sweet fruits as well.

zeynali900

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Re: How to behave in relationship? To be or not be honest with the girl
« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2016, 12:10:17 PM »
Did you tested dophamine levels?
No, I didn't. I don't think there's a reliable way to test it clinically, this was also stated in one of the articles that I provided the link of.

Dopamine is produced in brain and in other parts of body, and it does different tasks.

"In the brain, dopamine functions as a neurotransmitter. The brain includes several distinct dopamine pathways, one of which plays a major role in reward-motivated behavior. Other brain dopamine pathways are involved in motor control and in controlling the release of various hormones.

Outside the central nervous system, dopamine functions in..." from Wikipedia

as you can see it's technical. I think our dopamine levels may not be low, but the problem is with the receptors.

Well most of these are similar to some of my P.O.I.S symptoms
Most of your symptoms matched, me too. I don't think it's necessary for all the symptoms to match. And those symptoms listed are for someone who is always lacking dopamine, whereas we are well as long as we don't ejaculate. So some symptoms differ. For us, ejaculation causes lowered dopamine or a problem with the receptors.

This is all too technical. If I knew about POIS when I was a teen, I would chose to study medicine. In my society people told me that masturbation is harmful and makes you tired, so I never thought there is something unusual about me. Now I know and it is too late to change discipline. Hormones are related to vagus nerve, so I hope the current study on vagal dystonia solves our puzzle.

Take care friend!
Thank you. You, too. :D
fatigue - eye fatigue - muscle weakness - poor mental functioning - problem recalling words - mild pain in muscles, eyes, head, and neck - lightheadedness - depression - lethargy - red eyes - fever
26 single male suffering since teenage
symptoms occur immediately or up to 30 minutes