Author Topic: My story so far  (Read 49 times)

gettingbetter01

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My story so far
« on: November 21, 2022, 09:45:21 PM »
I have had pois for about 2 years. I did not find out what it was until 2 months ago.

In my case I think there is a lot of things that could be the cause. I?m really trying to narrow it down. Ill start with a little bit of background, then my symptoms and then what I have noticed helps.

 I used to take adderall and masturbate for 12 hours straight every time. Whenever Id finish Id feel an awful comedown for about 2 days. Eventually I did get sober(I have been for over 2 years), and when I did I really struggled with this cravings. Whenever Id get horny Id associate it with adderall, it would trigger cravings. I was really trying to get into the nofap mindset because of this, so whenever Id relapse I would be really hard on myself about it. Eventually I started edging for long periods of time without adderall, and thats when my pois started. It has progressed to being every time I masturbate today, but if Im aroused for longer periods of time that does make it worse. Also it is worth mentioning that I did take kratom and phenibut for about 8 months straight before getting sober, which effect gaba, glutamate and opioid receptors.

During this time I was on drugs though I was pretty isolated. Id talk a little bit to my family, and I would text some friends but I would very rarely hang out with people. Once I got sober I lived pretty much the same way for about a year, and my this time I had pretty bad social anxiety. I feel like this has effected me in a big way.

I have also had pretty severe eczema my entire life. The thought had never crossed my mine that it could be caused by gut health of foods until recently. I notice when I eat certain foods I get very fatigued, bloated, depressed and disconnected. My heart rate also increases. Also I have had low potassium multiple times in the past, and my vitamin b was only at 358 the other day. This makes me suspect some autoimmune disorder or leaky gut.

Also I did not realize what I had for the longest time. I thought I just had bad anxiety, and a problem with porn/masturbation. I think this whole time what it?s really been goes something like this. I masturbate for about 30mins because Im really horny. Then I would feel bad for about 2-3 days after, so I would stop masturbating and porn for the time being. Then because of abstaining by the time 2-3 days came around I was really horny again, and the cycle would just repeat. Although I struggled I would still hang out with friends, go to work every day and do things that I enjoyed. Until something happened in june

In june I had something that triggered very bad anxiety. This extreme stress and anxiety made me feel very weak and lightheaded which caused me to leave work. I went to the hospital thinking something was physically wrong with me, and these dumb fucks gave me droperidol for nausea. This sent my anxiety to the fucking moon. I felt like I wanted to rip that IV out of me, and run out of the hospital. I did not understand it was the drug that caused this until several months after. The next week was absolute TORTURE. Russians actually use akathisia as a torture method it?s so bad. I could not sit still, I could not calm down, I could not sleep and eating was so much harder. I thought that I had finally cracked, I was heavily considering going to a mental hospital. Ever since then my pois has been worse much worse. I dont know if my stress and anxiety have been that much worse since then or what.

My symptoms in general from pois are dissociation, anxiety, very bad social anxiety, brain fog, fatigue, depression, lightheadedness, blurry vision and ocd. Im not sure if I have anxiety, depression or ocd outside pois, but when I abstain it doesnt seem to go away completely. The longest I have abstained for is 14 days. In general I masturbate every 3-4 days. I try to only look at one of two videos/pictures if I use porn because the longer I spend aroused the worst symptoms seem to be.

Finally here is what I have noticed has helped me.

1. Positive thinking/stress reducing

    Although it can be very difficult to do at times because of my depression, and overall negative view on the world right now, positive thinking and stress reduction helps a ton. Watching something that makes me laugh, playing video games, going for a walk outside, talking to friends, positive music and meditation all seem to help a lot. It keeps me motivated to keep working to get better, not obsess over what I cant control and to not compare myself to others living without this condition. A better mindset really does improve symptoms all around for me.

2. Xanax

    This completely removes my pois. If I take it before I masturbate I will have zero symptoms. If Im having symptoms then it will make all of them go away except maybe depression. If I masturbate while on it, I will not have any symptoms the next day even without taking it. This is a pretty risky treatment, and not something that I see as a long term solution. I do think that I need to find the reason it helps so much though. Im guessing it?s either because of the mast cell stabilizing abilities, or because it removes anxiety and stress and helps a ton with my ocd.

3. Diet

    I started doing gluten free and dairy free for 30 days. Then I did an aip diet for 21 days before I gave up. The aip diet actually made me feel worse, and was too restrictive for me. Now I mainly eat eggs, rice, beef, broccoli, sweet potatoes, potatoes, strawberries, bananas, blueberries, spinach, chicken and steak. If I eat something I know I don?t react well to like palm oil it makes symptoms so much worse. Diet hasn?t been a cure all for me, but it has improved my symptoms overall.

4. DNRS/Neuroplasticity

    I haven?t done the dnrs program itself, but there is some neuroplasticity exercises that I do. I think this helps me with just relaxing, and not stressing out about my symptoms. Also because of the negative view I have had on masturbation for awhile I believe it?s possible it could be a lymbic symptom impairment thing.

5. Other life style changes

    I do my best to not do nothing all day. I have a notebook where I write what I wanna get done for the day, and at the end of the day I write what I accomplished. It really helps me stay focused when my mind is all over the place. Unfortunately I havent been able to work since June, but I do manage to do doordash/uber eats on my good days which is a huge win.

I am far from cured. I have a lot of progress to make. Im still not better than I was back in may, but I am significantly better than I was in June/July. I just thought I would share my story incase it helps anyone, or if anyone has any insight to share. If anyone has any questions I?m happy to answer them.

Quantum

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Re: My story so far
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2022, 10:30:44 PM »
Thanks for sharing your POIS journey, Gettingbetter.

I read that you have anxiety, depression and OCD even when out of POIS.  Of course, POIS will worsen all of these, but if they do not disappear when you abstain for more than a week, I think you should have a medical consultation for these.   You may need professional help.  In my case, I used to have chronic anxiety, mood swings, emotional intensity and instability, even when out of POIS.  It is just that it was 2 to 3 times worse when in POIS - a real nightmare.  After over 14 years of psychotherapy, I can say now that I have no more anxiety or emotional instability. The part of POIS that is still a real burden is the extreme fatigue, that I manage with my pre-pack.  The emotional imbalance is less present in POIS.  POIS was amplifying it when it was a chronic feature of my emotional life.


You are 100% responsible for what you do with anything I post on this forum and of any consequence it could have for you.  Forum rule: ""Do not use POISCenter as a substitute for, or to give, medical advice" Read the remaining part at http://poiscenter.com/forums/index.php?topic=1.msg10259#msg10259