When did you bring up the bad news?

[julius]

I have been suffering from POIS since the age of puberty. Because of this I have not been in a relationship ever since. Nowadays, POIS is still a solid wall that prevents me from getting into one.

Having POIS basically means that one cannot satisfy a girl’s sexual needs or that one has to sacrifice a large proportion of time and health to do so. Either way, a relationship will most likely not last because of this.

From what I have read here a lot, most girls are not even willing to commit to a relationship with someone who has POIS. Being honest about POIS from the start, will get you rejected most likely in the first place.

But then, there are some heroes here who did the impossible and somehow managed to get in a stable relationship. Some of you even got married and have kids. How did you guys do it?

Personally, I have never ever talked with someone about POIS. Most people won’t understand and mentioning this puts you in a very vulnerable position. In the end, it does not even matter. There is nothing these people can do to help you anyway. And, I do not want to put myself in that kind of situation. The last thing I want is to get rejected because of it. So again, when did you guys feel comfortable enough to tell that you suffer from POIS?

[Quantum]

Hi Julius,

POIS in a relationship is not simple to manage.   I have decades of experience in this matter.   I have already underlined the fact that, in order for a relationship to lasts despite POIS, you have to be with a person who is truly a generous person, centered in the heart, and who is also intelligent above average, enough to understand the complexity of this rare and disconcerting disorder that nobody has never heard of.

Even then, it is not easy.   I have used, some years ago, a specific strategy  that is, my spouse would climax, but not me.   It took sometime before she became at ease with this, it's not 'normal' in our culture, and POIS could be the only reason in the world why a man woudn't want to climax at the end of an intimate relation.  It took also some time for me to get use to stay with this high stimulation without releasing it.   Lots of yoga, exercise, meditation, etc..... to put out the fire.  Take note that for other POIS sufferers, they have symptoms from sexual stimulation even if they do not ejaculate, but that's not my case - I will have POIS only if I ejaculate.

It is important to underline that developing my pre-pack has made my life easier, a lot easier to manage.   I couldn't go on with 2 to 3 days of becoming an exhausted madman each time I had a release.

You may find, on this forum, some suggestions that could bring you some relief.  Even 50% to 60% relief could make your life much simpler, in a relationship. 

About when to disclose the fact that you have POIS, I suggest it's not right from the beginning - but that's just my opinion.  That implies that you will not have sexual relations right from the start.  As I have underlined, you have to be in a relationship with a kind and generous person, and not in a superficial relationship based on sex and physical satisfaction, if you want this relationship to last despite POIS, because as you know, POIS makes a realtionship really difficult in many aspects.  I know this is becoming rare nowadays to find people that are not putting emphasis on sex, but it is not realistic  for someone having POIS to engage in a relationship where sex is very important ( unless you have developed a method to relief 60% or more of tour usual symptoms). 

However, around the time you may begin to have full sexual relations in a relationship, the subject of POIS have to slowly being introduced, if you feel the other person has a chance to understand and accept this singular condition that you suffer from.  It may end the relation right away, but if it does, it wouldn't have last anyway.

At any rate, developing a way to relief your symptoms, at least a bit, is the one factor that will be the most significant in increasing your chances at lasting in a relationship, and making your life much easier.  Take a look at http://poiscenter.com/forums/index.php?topic=2338.msg19448#msg19448 in see what in my chart can be safely tried in your own situation.

I hope this will help you in your reflection.

[julius]

Thank you for your post. You have managed to find a way to balance things. At one side you have found an understanding partner that was willing to give you a chance. At the other side, you try to satisfy your partner, while trying to reduce the effects of POIS as much as possible.

I have chosen to abstain completely from any sexual activity, because of POIS. Abstaining is the only thing that makes life bearable. Niacin seems the most promising remedy to try, but developing a supply to reduce the POIS symptoms is a very demanding task in terms of time. Unfortunately, I cannot afford such time loss right now.

You have also mentioned some characteristics of a potential partner. I am convinced that almost all women that are very generous, intelligent and understanding eventually do not want to be in a relationship with someone that suffers from POIS. It is just too much. I do not blame them for it. But knowing that makes it very hard to approach a woman in a direct manner.

To avoid great disappointments it is just best to forget about it for now. I hope that someday a cure will be found for POIS. And that all of us can live the rest of our lives like we were before (the illness).

In the meantime, I will try to build up some trust with someone. Maybe I will get lucky. If not, there is always more in live.

[Quantum]

That's a great start, Julius.  Building trust is a very good base.  I wish you the best of luck, and I feel you have kept a positive attitude, despite your POIS.

I hope niacin will help you has it does for many members here.  There are good posts on its use in POIS,  at http://poiscenter.com/forums/index.php?topic=1108.msg15966#msg15966  and  at http://poiscenter.com/forums/index.php?topic=319.msg4160#msg4160, which, in my opinion, are among the best posts on niacin use.