Sameer, I've known you through these forums for a long time now. I want to tell you that you are not alone with these thoughts, and I want to tell you that I am someone who spent 5 years fighting suicidal thoughts. And I won. I had to change so much in my life, but when my life was at risk I had to do it. I left university. I went to psychiatric hospitals (I can't even tell you how many times I've been to them, I spent time there healing). I made friends who REALLY accepted me, and got rid of the ones who did not! I moved many hundreds of miles to be closer to my family, because I needed their support (early on they didn't give me support, but I showed them how hard I was trying and they eventually did). I found jobs that would let me be flexible, and actually told some of my bosses that I had mental health problems! The ones that I did tell I was careful to pick, but they understood and supported me!
Surround yourself with as much strength as you can find, you can get it from some of the most surprising places!
I want you to see I am a SURVIVOR of suicidal thoughts, depression, bipolar AND schizoaffective disorder. I have to add that at my lowest point (I knew I was going to kill myself if I didn't do something soon), I chose to do electro-convulsive therapy. This saved my life. Make sure you have psychiatric help if you can get it, and if I were you, ask to do electro-convulsive therapy! I wish I did it sooner!
All the best!
