Thanks for the warm welcome!
Well, here goes: It all began in September 2008, one month before my 18th birthday. Whilst showering, I casually noticed that my
testicles were smaller than usual. Not a big difference, but I think every guy knows the size of his junk pretty well, so I was able to notice. It didn't concern me too much, because I remembered a time two years before that, when my testicles got a little smaller for about a week, after which they returned to normal size. So with that in mind, I fully expected them to get bigger again, no big deal... I'm just saying all this to pre-emptively defuse any accusations that it ALL STARTED with my "paranoia" that my testicles were too small and that everything else was psychosomatic
Unfortunately, they DIDN't return to normal size. In fact, they just got even smaller. This started to concern me a little. I also noticed during this time, that my
self-confidence in social situations, my assertiveness, and "grounded-ness" plummeted - despite having made great strides in developing my social skills recently. You COULD peg this down to the psychological knowledge that my balls weren't as big; and that may well be the case. However, I want to add at this point that I was still masturbating once every day- this had been a habit since puberty. Perhaps I was already depleted my "reserves" more than I should have, and so my mind was less sharp, resulting in the sudden lack of social skills.
Interestingly, ever since the age of 13, I instinctively knew that *not masturbating* the day before an important event would make my mind faster and sharper, and I would be on better form that day. So, maybe you could say I've had POIS sind I was 13, but back then, the symptoms were maybe 5% of the severity they are now. But it does still feel like the same concept... like there's this abstract "energy" which you could plot on a graph. It used to be that if my "energy levels" went too high, I just had to masturbate and it would simply relieve the tension, and I could return to normal function. But now, masturbation causes my energy levels to go "below zero", so that orgasm is an event that needs to be recovered from. But still, the orgasm itself has always been an event of "depletion", and I always thought this was normal.So anyway, by Spring of 2009, I knew I had to tone down the number of ejaculations I had. Mainly, my sex drive decreased. I also started to produce less semen when I had an orgasm. And after having a couple of bad experiences, I soon found that my body couldn't handle the usual once-a-day masturbation habit.
At this time, I was investigating reasons why my testicles had atrophied... and I came accross the idea of Low Testosterone, and with it a website called
www.boost-your-low-testosterone.com . It's basically dedicated to middle-aged men who have "lost their mojo", offered herbal supplements such as Tongkat Ali as a natural Testosterone Booster. I read all of the articles and it really started to seem plausible to me that MY testosterone levels were simply too low, and that this had accounted for my lack of "manliness", so to speak. I actually ordered Tongkat Ali back then, and the first day I took it, I felt GREAT. Unfortunately, the following times I took it, the effect was lessened considerably. But this gave me the clue that my problems must be hormonal!
And so I pursued that avenue for about a year. I visited a Urologist, and explained my symptoms. He looked at my testicles, said they were fine (I obviously couldn't prove to him that they had been bigger before), and perscribed me a pill that apparently increases circulation in the extremities. It didn't help. I went back again and he suggested I see a Psychologist. (fuck that!
) Then, I visited an Endocrinologist. I told him my concerns and wanted to have a guy simply test my hormone levels for anything strange. We found that my Testosterone was 450, so in the normal range. All the other hormones (including LH and FSH) were normal as well. He suggested that maybe it has to do with my Thyroid gland, so he gave me a small dose of Thyroid hormone to take experimentally for a couple of weeks. It didn't help.
In the Summer of 2009, following advice from the Testosterone website guy, I did my best to eat lots of meat, get lots of sun, and exercise. I felt a little better doing all of these things, but still, my testicles were still small, and my ejaculation frequency was unchanged. After the Summer, I got pretty depressed. Mainly because I didn't know what was happening to me, but there was also a new,
abstract feeling of depression, a general feeling of lethargy and sadness that I couldn't identify. I also noticed at this time that having an orgasm made me
more susceptible to sickness, especially sore throat. If I had a sore throat, and then masturbated on top of that, it was a sure thing that it would develop into a full blown cold.
Then in 2010, a whole slew of new symptoms appeared. I started getting tonsil stones (horrible putrified deposits that form behind your tonsils and are incredibly difficult to remove, until they spontaneously fall out on their own), I noticed the enamel on my teeth was dissolving, my hair was getting thinner and falling out, and I noticed rigid
scarring on the shaft of my penis, making my erections weaker. I generally felt like my entire body was disintegrating; aging at an accelerated pace. Obviously, I became REALLY depressed and introverted. And the worst thing was that my mental symptoms really started to come in - the
brain fog, difficulty concentrating, memory loss, and lack of creativity. Being a musician, the last one really sucks!
To be honest, the whole 2010 - 2013 years are kind of a blur in my mind. Nothing really exciting happened, all just a string of health theories I pursued to no avail! I've visited a Naturopath, two Urologists, two Endocrinologists, a Psychologist, AND a Hypnotherapist. They all couldn't help me.
So here is my current list of symptoms:
-Testicular atrophy
-Penile atrophy/Scarring
-Lower semen volume
-Low sex drive
-Loss of creativity, loss of mental acuity, speed, and memory
-chronic fatigue, loss of optimism and drive
-Huge crash after an Orgasm, lasting 3-4 days, exacerbating both physical and mental fatigue, and digestion issues (diarrhea, gas, sulphur burps/acid reflux)
After 7 days, I seem to get back to a "stable" state in which I can function. But I'm still never back to 100%, like I was a couple years ago.
As of today, there are only a couple of things that I have found (through trial and error) to be helpful for me:
1. Avoiding Ejaculation for as long as I can!
2. Getting exercise every day!
3. Taking COLD showers! (don't ask me why, but I feel tired and brain-foggy after hot showers!)
4. Eating an entirely RAW VEGAN diet - this fixes my digestion 100%. And also the tonsil stones go away!
5. Taking walks outside in nature!
There. it's 2:59 AM my time, and that plus the brain fog is a bad cocktail for writing long posts
Although I'm on Day 7 Post Orgasm, and I've been doing pretty well, especially with the daily exercise. So wish me luck!
