Note: O trigger warning
Now this is a very tricky subject to discuss but I really want to spill it all out. Please share if you've ever felt like this!
So let me start. Even now when I have a bad case of post-O blues I would feel really weak. Like if there's a guy around I'll feel my self-confidence die, like he's above me or sth and in fact I'll get scared, esp. by athletic and overly masculine types. I even started hating being a guy and my gender in general.
But while women do not scare me like that even in my POIS state, I'd notice that I give off completely different vibes and they (women) seem to actively try to ignore me, even those who otherwise look to get my attention and act all flirty normally. It's like I give off anti-pheromones when in a POIS state or something that scream "Weakling, stay away from this one!".
Even worse is I feel like a lost little kid - I feel like crying all the time, overly emotional, I just can't function socially at all and I feel like hiding under a rock. In those days all my male power and confidence disappears, I no longer feel like a male, but like a sexless, genderless lump of meat. The sad thing is in those moments I so much need someone to hug and protect me lol but of course I repell people even when I do nothing. To put it short, I've always loved feminine energy in a prospective lover and yet when on POIS I've had instances of myself turning to projecting feminine energy which would repel women.
POIS made me effeminate in mannerisms, emotions, thinking, walking style and behavior. That really ruined my chances in love for now 21 years. It started when I was 13 and I started masturbating. I started to have sudden remission breaks only this year!
Anyway, has anyone ever felt not confident in their gender due to the hormonal/inflmmatory POIS effects? I really questioned myself when I was at my worse hormonally. I've always loved women and girls romantically but I was kinda sexual. The first time I got hard from a nude lady was in my first M sessions at 13 when a friend brought cards with nude ladies on them. Then POIS happened pretty soon after so it no longer worked at all. Only this year, after 21 years I was able to get hard from a video of a nude girl (sorry for the huge trigger!). So I gotta wonder if many asexual or hating-their-gender guys just have POIS-related hormonal instabilities or sth? Funniest thing is when I was at my worst I gravitated towards more stereotypically "feminine" hobbies and car designs. I only started liking "masculine" stuff like sports and sportier/larger cars after boosting my T.
I no longer use any herbs but it seems binaural beats really work the same way, I use those:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36_MeA9OSw4https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eY1W4wG3LATL;DR I had sth akin to gender dysphoria, hated males and everything male. I considered women superior, above me just because they're women and yet they didn't like me. Now I'm more confident, I accept women as equals, no worse nor better than me just for being women. I act dominant and build rapport with other guys. Except on very bad POIS days. All that due to binaural beats masculinizing videos and a bit of herbs (Tribulus) but it's mostly the videos lately. I haven't used this herb since 2017 and yet I had many masculinizing changes in my gait, the way I walk and think just this year 2022 from those two videos above.
