Question for those married people

[overcome11]

Hi everyone,

I was just wondering for those who are married with POIS...

It seems there are quite a few of those who are married on this board with POIS...

I was wondering if you think it is possible to get married to the girl you love,, and just not have sex?
I was considering to save my career, to find a girl I love for who she is (not too sexy..this would cause too much of a temptation everyday..), and marry her, and live with her but live in different rooms? I have a pretty good job, so I think I may be able to woo a girl to marry me (and still be upfront about her about my condition/limitations before we decide to tie the knot).

Of course, I would still be pursuing treatment to neuros during this time for the hopes to cure/manage POIS symptoms drastically.

This seems like a way out to both save one's career (feel like oneself normally outside of POIS), and still get married.

My only concern is..to those who are married...does ever everyday interactions with wife (when not having sex)..ever lead to mild POIS symptoms? Eg. snuggling, french kissing..etc. While I would be ok with no sex, I cant imagine she would be ok with not even holding her during the day!
I just want to find a way to be myself (save career), and still achieve my lifes goal of getting married someday.

To those married..your thoughts, and any advice from your experiences? Would this plan even work??

Thank you,

[overcome11]

I noticed there are some married people in this forum who chose to abstain for extended periods of time...during this time...are you basically 100% non-POIS? I understand this would vary case by case, individual to individual, but just wanted to see if this was even realistic...

[TomYamPraKraPong]

Wow, you guys really dissected this down to the bones. Interesting.

[mellivora]

Hi Overcome,
There are people on the forum who are married so it can work. I would say it can take a particularly understanding and compassionate partner to make it work well. Personally, I get some POIS symptoms from snuggling/kissing etc so it is difficult. However, not everyone seems to suffer from non-ejaculatory stimulation to the same extent. As you understand, it varies from individual to individual. Its hard to 'be myself' when in POIS and it can be hard for a partner to make room for the fact  that you can't always be the person they fell for -  spontaneity, motivation, humour, joy, quickness of thought and empathy are just some of the things that get suffocated by the fog of POIS and its an effort to try to maintain them. Obviously, its very important to try to think of things from your partner's point of view as well as yours. I'm not married but I think its not the right way to pre-conceive a marriage 'plan' too thoroughly and get  too fixed an idea of the way it would have too work as a lot will depend on your partner and how a relationship evolves - its something you just have to work through together. Having said that its good to have some ideas of what you'd be comfortable with.

Its good to seek input from those who are in or have had long-term relationships I hope they'll chip in with what has worked for them and how they manage things. I'd say the best thing is to take their advice on board and maybe use it but always with the awareness that everyone's situation is at least slightly different.

[demografx]

Is this a 2nd thread with the same name? My post shows on the "other" thread but not here...strange...