POIS used to NEVER keep from getting myself sexually aroused and masturbate for long periods. Despite all the side effects with orgasms from POIS, I told myself " it's going to be fine " everytime I go for an orgasm. I had to masturbate and be sexually active because I wanted to feel normal and be like everyone else. I wanted to convince myself I'm not ill.
Now, I can't tell myself " It's going to be fine " anymore. I don't dare to masturbate or even think of erotic stuff anymore. It has been a quite long time since I masturbated, thought of, watched or did something that would raise my testosterone level. and the last few times I had an orgasm, I kind of forced myself to do so. I did not enjoy them at all.
My feelings nowadays are quite similar to my childish feelings when I didn't even know what sex is. It is so weird that I recall very strange memories/feelings from my childhood. How my brain works is very confusing.
I just wanted to share this with you because this forums is the only place where I can talk about my illness. Thanks for your time reading this.
Thanks for your share here drmmeha,
I can relate to your comments and have a lot of empathy for the younger guys here also, who quite naturally find it very difficult, if not impossible, to avoid a release of some sort. I can specifically relate to the delusion of hoping every time that it (now known as POIS, but I never knew that until a year ago), would kick in and screw up and isolate me for close to a week, send me into pure survival mode.
Because I'm older, avoidance has become easier, even though I would rather I could have a normal sex life. After decades of this, my mind is pretty programmed, but I am looking forward to undoing that programming, as recovery or cure comes along.
Take care man and thanks for the forum to share back.
