It has been a long time since I've been on this forum, my friends.
POIS sent me on quite a journey. The harsh contrast between POIS and 15+ years of sex addiction created pressure that needed to be dealt with.
These are the symptoms I was experiencing earlier in this process:
- Two days of severe depression, brain fog and inability to function for two days after orgasm, beginning about 24 hours after orgasm
- Chronic depression (often suicidal)
- Social anxiety
- Chronic pain and muscular tension
- Dissociation
- Emptional/physical Numbness (often unaware of intense physical pain)
- SI joint dysfunction
I also had difficulty exercising, and for much of the process, had difficulty walking and sitting without making matters worse.
The list of things I've tried to help with this condition are vast:
- 100+ supplements and herbal remedies
- Keto, paleo and vegetarian diets
- Fasting (intermittent and 2-3 day fasts)
- Self-myofascial release
- Craniosacral therapy
- Acupuncture
- Full body vibration
- Lessons in the Alexander Technique
- 22 ayahuasca ceremonies
- Inipi (sweat lodge) ceremonies
- Kambo, 5-MeO-DMT, mushrooms, LSD, cannabis
- Various microdosing regimens (mostly mushrooms, sometimes San Pedro, ayahuasca vine, and very occassionally 5-MeO-DMT and iboga)
- Use of sacred tobacco (rapeh, mapacho, ambil)
- Kava, mambe, kratom, valerian, blue lotus...
- Chiropractic adjustments
- Pelvic floor physical therapy
- Rolfing
- Massage and body work
- Shamanic energy healing
- Fire and water ceremonies
- Float tanks, brainwave entrainment, lots and lots of meditation
- Working with various coaches and therapists
- Journaling (sometimes 40+ pages/day)
- Cutting down on work substantially to free up time for healing
- Breathwork (Transformational Breath, holotropic breathwork, Wim Hof, various pranayama techniques)
- Hypnotherapy
- Shadow work
- Parts work
- Inner child work
- Tantric coaching and sacred sexuality
- Countless hours of meditation
I spent a small fortune running all these little n=1 experiments, and I am free of POIS. In fact, all my symptoms are gone, except for some (much more mild) pain and tension and SI joint issues, which I can manage quite well with my daily practices. In fact, I now find that a little meditation can fix up my body quite nicely without too much effort.
I feel like, at this point, I understand the nature of POIS. I have come to understand its nature through careful observation.
I feel strongly that POIS is rooted in one fundamental belief structure:
Orgasms are UNSAFEIt can also be reframed this way:
Sexuality and sensual pleasure is UNSAFEOne thing I've learned from watching many people with autoimmune issues heal themselves in ayahuasca ceremonies: it is the
mind that creates the auto-immune response. And I observe this in myself.
I unconsciously held the belief that orgasms are not safe. I felt that porn and sex addiction was destroying my life, discovered the "NoFap" movement... and came to fear the orgasm. But my sexuality was already founded on negative thoughts, beliefs and emotions. And, coming from a Christian background, the fear of sexuality runs deep. We may not be conscious of it, but we carry the wounds and burdens of our ancestors, until we choose to heal it, and therefore heal the lineage.
In my inner work, I recovered the repressed memory of being sexually tortured at the age of four or younger. I know who did this to me. I think it happened more than once. And I can see clearly how my sexual development was doomed from the beginning by this depraved act. I can also see how abuse in the Catholic church impacted my abuser, leading to deep-seated feelings of powerlessness that led him to act in the way he did. Unfortunately, he was a victim of fate rather than a master of his own destiny, so he has to carry the burden of guilt for what he did.
I chose to not be a victim of fate. Over time, I was able to rewrite my ideas about orgasm, sexuality and sensual pleasure. I was able to recover the innocence and sacredness of sexuality. Now, when I orgasm, I can feel the auto-immune response begin. I feel parts of my body begin to contract and constrict in fear. Old habits die hard. But now, I can relax my mind and body, affirming that what I'm doing is safe, and allowing myself to fully experience pleasure in the body. Much better than my old sexual pattern, in which I was a disembodied vessel, dependent on extreme pornography for stimulation.
I think the Western materialistic mindset of focusing on chemical reactions instead of the mental reality of these conditions is precisely what keeps people locked in a state of suffering. In my humble opinion, we have much to learn from the shamans of old.
