I'm concerned my boyfriend has POIS - what can I do?

[xiisoleh]

I am in a fairly new relationship and I'm concerned that my boyfriend has POIS. Every time we have sex, he falls into a deep sleep immediately, and then recovers and is fine until the next day. He then develops severe flu-like symptoms - sore throat, blocked nose, headache, aching muscles, lethargy - and very often has to cancel all his plans and stay in bed. He says his whole body hurts. He also gets breakouts of acne. During this time I've noticed that he withdraws from me emotionally, becomes very absent-minded, and breaks off contact with me until he feels better. The symptoms last for two to four days and then spontaneously disappear and he is back to normal - until the next time!

He has been to the doctor once, but the doctor asked him about his sex life (perhaps suspecting POIS) which made him feel very embarrassed, so he flatly refuses to go again. Yesterday he told me he didn't want to have sex any more because he can't cope with feeling so terrible afterwards. He has absolutely no idea what is wrong with him, and feels upset and confused.

I had never heard of POIS until last night when I looked online to try to find an explanation for my boyfriend's symptoms, and from articles and forum posts which I've read it seems to exactly match what he is experiencing. I think it's very likely that he has POIS, but should I make him aware of the condition, or not? I really like him and I would do anything to support him. He is in the UK as an asylum seeker, so he is already anxious about what the outcome of his asylum application will be, and also he has recently suffered two bereavements. I am worried that on top of all this, if he thinks he may have a condition which has no specific treatment or cure, he will be devastated. I am not a doctor, and I don't know if it's my place to tell him what I think might be wrong with him, especially if I can't offer a specific solution. On the other hand, if it is POIS, it might help to know that his condition has a name and that there are other people who have had the same experience. I also wouldn't want to come across as pitying, patronising, or alarmist. Should I just not mention it to him? I don't really know what to do to help him - I would be very grateful for any advice which other forum members can give me.

[b_jim]

Hi and welcome. I want to compliment you because it's rare that a girl/woman takes the time to come here to find help for her boy-friend. I often meet girls simply didn't understand what Pois is and prefer to find another one.  You must be a nice person.

We have few real, medical solutions here. Some of us have testosterone therapy. Some other tried hyposensitization or hormonal therapy.

 We have home-remedies too only giving improvements.
The easy things to test are niacine, ibuprofene, ginger.
Some guys here create specific protocol because they think Pois has something to do with inflammation.
My personnal cure is to suppress sugar, high carbohydrates and junk food and taking 500 mg of taurine before orgasm. These two things changed my life since 2008.

I wish you the best.

 

[julius]

Hey xiisoleh,

First I want to complement you on your concern and effort.
Bases on the symptoms you mentioned, you may conclude that your boyfriend has POIS. The only thing that seems strange is that he develops the symptoms the next day. I think that most POIS’ers get ill the same day.

However, POIS is a strange condition. Some of us have developed it on a later stage in life. Some have it from puberty. On the Forum, you can find some threads about treatments that  might reduce the effects of POIS. They work for some people and do not work for others. These things might help.

I think it is best to inform your boyfriend about this and discuss how you want the relationship to proceed. However, you have to do it when the time is right. For a lot of us, it was somehow a relief to know that there are other people with the some condition.

[xiisoleh]

Thank you very much for your comments and advice. I think he develops the symptoms the next day, or during that night; we don't live together and usually when he goes home he's all right, but then seems to degenerate soon afterwards. I have decided to bring the subject up with my boyfriend and see if he is interested in discussing possible solutions which I have found on here, but as he already has a number of other problems I'm not sure how receptive he'll be. I certainly don't want to give up on him though!

[Quantum]

Hi Xiisoleh,

Thanks for your genuine intention to help your boyfriend.   It is hard to understand that a true personality change can occur during POIS, and that the man you love can really become a totally different person, because of emotional and cognitive symptoms, as well as physical symptoms.  If you ever live with him, always remember that the true man you love will come back, after a time, once POIS is over...

However, like other have said to you, there are some "folk remedies" and methods to shorten the duration of POIS, as well as lowering the severity of symptoms.  If your boyfriend is willing to seek some solution to relief his POIS, take a look at this POIS Types Chart .  He would have to go slowly and safely about trying any of these.   Some are easier to try, like niacin, or ibuprofen, taken some time before ejaculaiton, but there are more elaborate method as well.

There is no cure for now, but a control method that reduce symptoms is really life changing.  Those methods reported in the chart bring to those who are listed in reference as much as 70% to 100% relief, on a current basis.  That is very significative.

Don't hesitate to ask any other questions that you may have regarding POIS !

   

[demografx]

xiisoleh, welcome to POISCenter!

[Spartak]

Thanks for your genuine intention to help your boyfriend.   

Exactly my thoughts as well!

Girls like you give me hope that one day I might find a normal girlfriend which would connect with me on a deeper level, and not care for lack of sexual life.
Which is something I completely perceived as mission impossible.

[jotape_chile]

"In the other hand, if it is POIS, it might help to know that his condition has a name and that there are other people who have had the same experience."

Hi Xiisoleh,

For me, as a POIS sufferer since 25 years app., having only known that I was not the only one suffering this condition back in 2007 was a great relief. Though I have not found a cure, it has helped me psychologically coming to this forum to express my feelings and also tell other people about the treatments I have tried.
Great to see you care about your BF on this matter, since most of women avoid it. Also I have to tell you that in my experience with my partner, it has been a constant struggle to try to live a normal life with me having POIS, specially when it refers to sex. It has been very hard on both...

I advice you to tell him about this forum.
Best,

JP

[devastated]

I've been having POIS for 30 years now and luckily my wife has been supporting me for at least 20 of them.

Your bf has all the typical symptoms and unfortunately are almost identical to mine. My suggestion is simple : love, affection, support, understanding and, above all, patience! If you care enough about him, you might just stick around long enough until a cure has been found. Leave him some days to recover after each sexual contact..it's really torturous otherwise.

That's my 5 cents..

[Investigator]

It's great that girls like you exist. I would add: if you want to be really nice, you can just say clearly that he shouldn't feel any pressure to have sex at any point and that you're fine not having sex when he doesn't want to. That would help him a lot.