Suicidal thoughts

[Samir]

I have not only battled with POIS most of my life, but also depression that was made worse because of POIS.  I will even say it--I did attempt suicide once and the plan was foiled by fate (thank God).

I will tell you this much from my experience (and my culture also has many of the same pressures that you mention).

1.  You are special and unique in this world.  You are put here for a reason, and it is for the good of the entire world.  You are a beacon of light even though you don't feel like it.  You will understand this words later.  But believe them now because they are true and you need to understand and accept this now to help you heal.

2.  Your depression is probably cognitive, which means a lot of it comes from the way you perceive the world around you.  Look for truths and you will probably find that you are much harder on yourself than the world is.

3.  As alone as you may feel, you are not alone.  There are others that know EXACTLY how you feel.  And they long to connect with you too.  And many of them are beautiful women and that will be proud to spend time with you.  (I kid you not on this last one--I've learned from experience that I could have been with A LOT more women before I got married if I would have recognized that I really wasn't alone.)

4.  POIS sucks...big time.  But it will not stop you from living a normal life.  It is luckily a physiological condition, and there are many things you can try as 'home remedies' while the research is done for a medical remedy.  For many of us, niacin, zinc, fish oils, oysters, sushi, krill oil, flax seeds, and more have been very helpful in managing the symptoms to levels that we don't notice anymore.

5.  Eat!  One of the fastest cures for any depression is to eat.  But don't just eat anything--eat healthy things.  Be good to yourself, and you will feel better because you truly will be better.

6.  Ignore the world and its problems.  When down in the depths of depression, this is your time to reconnect with yourself and to question the negative thoughts--constantly question the negative thoughts!  You'll find that a lot of the negative 'facts' are actually colored versions of the truth.  Seek the real truth and believe it.  Build yourself and self-esteem back up with the truth.  And once you are solid once more, enter the world stronger and more ready for its challenges.  And don't be afraid to be sad.

7.  Cry.  Cry it all out.  Crying has been the most amazing evolutionary gift given to human beings.  It is the only physical way to truly cleanse out emotions that are bothering us.  I'm a man and I'm not afraid to cry.  Watch a chick flick with me and you'll know I'm not lying.

8.  Keep in touch with us here and on other social outlets.  Online isn't the same as in person, but it always helps to talk to other human beings that understand.

[Prancer]

Excellent post Samir, thank you, and big welcome back! Every once in a while I come across a post that is just very special and really has a big impact. Another example of this was mellivora's post just a little over a year ago when he showed us this amazing article/list (see bottom). At first I thought it was just going to be more quackery nonsense that I often see, but it is not, and is actually a very beautiful list. So thank you Samir for this most recent awesome & inspiring post!!

Here's mell's awesome recommendation too, since I mentioned it: http://themindunleashed.org/2014/07/30-things-start-4-absolutely-vital.html

[demografx]

Welcome back, Samir!

[Samir]

Excellent post Samir, thank you, and big welcome back! Every once in a while I come across a post that is just very special and really has a big impact. Another example of this was mellivora's post just a little over a year ago when he showed us this amazing article/list (see bottom). At first I thought it was just going to be more New Age nonsense that I often see, but it is SO NOT, and is actually a very beautiful list (so glad I read it!).
So thank you Samir for this most recent awesome & inspiring post!!

Btw, here's mell's lovely recommendation too, since I mentioned it: http://themindunleashed.org/2014/07/30-things-start-4-absolutely-vital.html

PS: I agree about the huge progress made since you last visited! Very encouraging.

Thank you!  mell's recommendation is quite inspirational.  And it inspired me to share my thoughts and insights:

• 1 is so true.  The right people in your life make it much more rich.  The wrong people can actually tear your successes down.
• 2 is very important if you want to make progress in anything.  You can't solve a problem without getting to the root cause--and that means hitting it head-on to understand the root cause.
• 3 is a very hard concept, but so easy to do if you mentally let go of everything around you for a second.  And then you'll see everything as it truly is.  And truth awakens the real you.
• 4 is different for everyone.  Only you know what makes you happy and how much happiness you need.  Happiness has to be balanced with everything else in life, but you have to make sure you're making sure things are in place for you to be happy--and that takes some planning.  100% on caring for others--you definitely CANNOT do that while you're not okay.  It's just a recipe for disaster.
• I wish I would have discovered 5 earlier in life.  In the US, you are taught and molded to be like others around you and the crowd vs being truly unique (because truly unique can also equate to weird).  But in that process of molding, you can lose your true self.  Don't fall into this.  Everyone has their day in the sun, so don't be someone else to chase the sun--let the sun come to you--and it will.
• Don't take 6 too far.  If you live only in the moment, you'll have no past and future, which means no history, and you'll find your life a bit hollow.
• 7 is very, very difficult to get a grasp of until the revelation of the lesson comes to you--and this can take decades.  But remember that everything bad, every mistake, every failure is definitely something you had to go through for a greater success later--and you'll understand it when you reach that successful point.  I've seen this many, many times in my life already and now welcome the lessons.
• 8 is sometimes easier said than done, but is very important.  You can be your own worst enemy.  Don't be.
• 9 is critical and goes hand-in-hand with 6.  Living in the moment is about enjoying the things you already have--friends, family, possessions, air to breathe, water to drink, etc.  I'm always thankful for mind and that it's as good as it is.
• 10 is incorporating elements from 6, 9, and even 7.  Happiness is truly found within.  You can actually be completely content without anything (it's the basic principle behind Buddism).  And while most of us won't shed everything to be in a zen-like state of nirvana, being able to close our eyes and be content and happy with just breathing can be a great solace and comfort in the bad times.
• 11 is important to do, but intelligently.  The litmus test I always use is--Will I regret this on my deathbed if I didn't try it?  If the answer is yes, then it's a do or die thing for me to do in my life.
• 12 is important when it reinforces the truth.  DOn't try to psyche yourself into beliving you can jump off a cliff and fly--it won't happen.
• 13 is critical to be happy with someone else.  It was only until I told myself that I do deserve someone in my life did my wife just 'appear' out of thin air (the opportunity to meet her anyways).  Prior to that, I only took what came along, never beliving that I deserved someone--and that was self-sabotaging.
• 14 is great because it expands your horizons and keeps you curious about the world around you and the people in it.  But keep #1 in mind--you don't want to give bad people a chance.  I always look for 'dealbreakers' that let me know I need to cut someone off.
• 15 is something I actually don't practice because set backs can bring you down, even if you're comparing with a previous version of yourself.  Everyone is always pushing to move forward, seeing a move backward as equating to failure.  But if you're not comparing, you're not worried about going forward, backwards, or running in circles--you're then able to focus on what is personal success and happiness for yourself--and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.
• 16 is great for knowing when you're truly happy.  If someone else's happiness brings you down, it's time to look within to see what's wrong.  Happy people are positive people--they smile, enjoy others happiness, and are encouraging and make the world a better place.  And we can all be happy people, but we have to find it within ourselves and have enough for ourselves first.
• I still struggle with 17, but when I look for the truth in any situation, I always see it staring at me.  And because I'm true to myself, I acknowledge it and use it as part of my solution in whatever tough situation I'm in.
• 18 is tough for me.  I still don't forgive those when I don't see justice, and I can't trust that justice will just come.  On the other hand, I have learned that every bad thing is for a greater good, so it does help me move on without dwelling.
• 19 is easy when you're happy.  Even the smallest things help too--holding the door for someone, smiling at someone and saying hi.  Little things can mean the world to someone who's down.
• 20 is something I wish I did earlier in life.  My inner voice is BRILLIANT and has some serious intuition.  My photography is pure intuition and yet it creates some stunning art that others appreciate.  I would never have created that art studying the rules and best practices of photography.
• 21 is something I still struggle with.  I don't plan my breaks as well (because I pretty much don't have time to breathe right now), but I am starting to become aware of the health consequences of pushing myself too hard and I back off knowing that I could end up with a heart attack and then not come close to completing whatever goal I want.
• 22 is something I've always been good at and it's a key part of keeping me happy.  I woke late this morning and had a lot of things I couldn't do in the morning, and yet I noticed a very beautiful sunrise peeking through the clouds and spoke aloud 'that is just beautiful'.  I acknowledged the beauty of the world in that brief 2 second moment--and it reinvigorated me to face my troubles with new ardor.
• 23 is important for perfectionists.  I used to beat myself up when things weren't perfect.  What I've learned is 'anything short of perfection is excellence', which means it's still leagues better than 'good' or 'satisfactory'.
• 24 is a core concept for long term success and reaching your dreams.  A dream is just a goal with a plan.  A plan is just a series of small steps or tasks to complete.  And then a dream is nothing but a bunch of tasks to execute.  Self-made millionaires and people that drive Ferraris and Aston Martins follow this (an Aston Martin owner told this to my good friend a decade ago).
• 25 is important because emotional intelligence is a core part of knowing the truth about yourself and your level of happiness.  Emotions cannot be bottled and need to be expressed or you'll have a lot of turmoil inside of you.  To be emotional and express emotions is to be human--don't forget that.
• 26 is something a lot of people struggle with.  And when someone else has to come in and fix your problems, you literally do become their slave.  Don't let that happen.  You are never given anything in life that you can't handle--believe in that and hit your problems head-on today.
• I'm terrible at 27.  I have so many relationships that I've not nurtured and many have fallen to the wayside.  But I know a big part of a full, rich, and fulfillingly happy life is having those people in my life again.  It's on my to do list because that dream is only a plan away.
• 28 is very important of you'll be worrying and stressing for nothing.  'Give me the wisdom to change what I can, accept what I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference'.
• 29 goes hand in hand with planning your dreams.  If a positive outcome is a dream and a dream is only a goal without a plan, plan it out and make it happen.  I've done many things people have said is 'impossible' just by planning it out.  Having a positive emotional charge does magical wonders I still don't fully understand and probably cannot understand as a human being, but it does work--I met my wife because I believed emotionally and mentally that I deserve someone in my life--and 'poof' I got a message on a website I was member of for almost a decade.  That message was from my now wife.
• 30 goes hand in hand with 6 and 22.  If you can do 6 and 22, 30 will come naturally.

Welcome back, Samir!

Thank you!

[kakaw112]

Guys, I want to go painlessly. I try to commit suicide every week but just cannot reach it. I am even failing at committing suicide. Please tell me how to do it peacefully(and the easiest one). The ones around me will get sad but eventually, their life will go on and forget me.

[Progecitor]

Guys, I want to go painlessly. I try to commit suicide every week but just cannot reach it. I am even failing at committing suicide. Please tell me how to do it peacefully(and the easiest one). The ones around me will get sad but eventually, their life will go on and forget me.

You shouldn't expect anyone to give you advice on that. I also felt utterly hopeless many-many times and kept suffering in the last 20 so years. That was until recently when I realized how stupid I was all along. My mistake was to always expect help from others, when in reality it is only up to ourselves to do something about it. There were times when suicide seemed the only option, but it would have been like letting POIS and doctors with their preconceptions be the winners and I couldn't have that. What is the point of death anyway? We will all die one day, but while one lives at least there is a chance for a change. It could be that you would find a really good solution to treat your POIS in say 5 years and from then on you could live a happy life. Would you just give up this possibility so easily? I know from experience how hellish POIS is, but I think many cancer patients would gladly switch with us any moment as at least this is not a lethal disease. As one benefit Covid-19 also gave a real research boost to this field and I think researchers are on the verge of discovering the whole mechanism of CFS, POIS and similar diseases. I could almost understand you if it was 20 years ago when there was not even a POIS study or a name for it. Many had suffered even then without avail, but nowadays there is just so much knowledge about this and we may only have to persevere a little more before POIS becomes a mundane easily curable or at least treatable disease. We also have to consider what we can do ourselves in the meanwhile as reporting our findings would make it much easier for researchers to figure out the whole deal.
I also feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster all the time which makes it much worse when I am at the bottom of the slope. I stopped drinking alcohol as it made this even more clear. I also took many anti-psychiatric drugs that mostly kept me at the bottom without helping much, but there could be times  when they help with not feeling so bad or good at least. I have also come to realize that some beneficial treatments make me emotionally labile as being well also makes me comprehend my current state of life. So there is really no easy solution for these problems, but one has to learn to deal with these and also look at the bright side of things even if there is so much bad. I could also recommend a psychologist as that also helped me a few times. No, it really won't do anything about your POIS and they would not really understand your problems either, but at least they are compassionate listeners and it felt really good to talk to someone unrestricted without being taken for a fool right away. It really helps if you talk your problems out from time to time as they can accumulate like a burden. At the time their questions also helped me realize things about my plight that I would not have realized only listening to my own inner monologue. So everyone with such thoughts please keep persevering and DON'T let POIS be the winner!

[kakaw112]

I really dont have money for therapy. I get huge acne which give me a lot of pain  . All over my body. I am broken. I cannot read anything. Everyday I feel hopeless to my wasted potential.

[Samir]

I really dont have money for therapy. I get huge acne which give me a lot of pain  . All over my body. I am broken. I cannot read anything. Everyday I feel hopeless to my wasted potential.

Dealing with POIS and dealing with suicidal thoughts are really two different things even though one greatly affects the other.  I've dealt with both a good portion of my life.

The POIS feeds the thoughts, so the place to start is with possible nutritional solutions.  For me it took a few decades, but I've found that omega3 rich foods seems to keep me quite stable.  My daily morning regiment consists of the following:
- GNC Performance and Vitality vitamin pack - available at Sam's club for 1/2 GNC prices: https://www.samsclub.com/p/gnc-mega-men-performance-vitality-30-count/prod16100145?xid=plp_product_3
- VEGA Essentials protein powder in Fairlife 2% milk with DHA - https://myvega.com/products/vega-essentials?variant=10378758029355 https://fairlife.com/ultra-filtered-milk-with-dha/2-percent-milk-dha/?nowebp
- basic multivitamin and turmeric (turmeric seems to help keep things good and has been used for eons by my ancestors in cooking

Foods:
- Deep Chicken Tikka Masala frozen meals and Samosas - these have a really high amount of natural fenugreek that my body loves and absorbs very quickly - https://deepindiankitchen.com/products/frozen/meals/chicken-tikka-masala/ https://deepindiankitchen.com/products/frozen/meals/spinach-chicken-tikka/ https://deepindiankitchen.com/products/frozen/appetizers/chicken-tikka-samosas/ https://deepindiankitchen.com/products/frozen/breads/garlic-naan/

Sushi, oysters and other seafood high in omega3 and/or zinc is also very good, but is expensive since it needs to be fresh for best effect.  I will eat this out of necessity when I'm in bad shape with POIS.

So these are what I have found to help manage the physical side of POIS.  Don't get me wrong though that there are still horrible days and times.  But this regiment makes them less frequent.

With the physical under care, with the newfound stability and clarity, we can start to examine our mind and our thoughts.  I have gone through decades of therapy so I'll share the takeaways that help me cope with human existence.

The first thing is to question your emotions.  Like the little kid asking 'why'?  Keep asking and answer yourself honestly.  Why do I not want to live anymore?  And then questions that answer with 'why'?  And then keep going until you have your root answer, which may not at all be what you think it is.  Many times this root answer can even be false.  This won't immediately change your emotional state, but it will have an effect on your mind.

The next thing I have learned is distraction and other techniques to 'pull you out of the pit of despair'.  The hardest thing is to make that effort to leave the pit, so it has to be something simple, something effortless.  Whatever it is, that feeling of accomplishment is a first step on a staircase you can build that will help you get to normal functioning.  It can be something as small as eating even when you don't feel like eating, but know you should.  And in a situation like this, making a meal or even getting fast food may seem like a daunting task.  So don't try so hard.  Tell yourself to eat just one cookie.  Now, we all know you can't eat just one cookie, so that will get you the strength and energy to then get a meal.  This is just one example of how to use this technique.  You can even use it with work--do something you enjoy first, then hit the things that you don't.  That's actually what I'm doing now--I have serious time deadlines and pressures, but to get myself ready for them, I will first get my mind 'primed' by doing things I enjoy after I've had my morning regiment.  After an hour of activities I like, it is very easy to dive into activities I don't.

Let's see what else can I think of at the top of my head...

Ah yes--ability and talent.  Regardless of what this world and others have told you over the course of your life, you have exactly the talent and ability to deal with the moment of life you are in.  My life experience has taught me that every single thing, good and bad, happens for the greater good in your life.  Case in point is me talking to you now--it is only from the most horrible things that I have suffered that I can provide you the light of guidance from my experience.  And to me, there's no greater gift than helping a fellow human being without needing something in return.  You have talents and abilities that you have been given.  Explore them, enjoy them, enhance them, and share them.  When you find the joy of yourself, you'll find the happiness within.  Case in point is that I make stupid jokes and parody songs that I write down.  I sit and laugh to myself and enjoy it so much!  And finally after 30 years, I met my wife who enjoys them as much as I do.  In fact, just as writing this post, she called me and I did a Dr. Seuss pun right on the phone.  Even if she didn't laugh, I was enjoying it.  Finding these 'inner joys' do wonders for your happiness and make you less susceptible to the pains and worries of the outside world.

For the acne, I would try this soap that's sold in Indian stores--it's actually so  good against bacteria that it can be used as a pre-surgery scrub--Dettol original (don't get any other varieties, just the original) https://www.dettol.co.in/personal-hygiene/bar-soaps/dettol-original-bar-soap-125-gm/.  Try this for your normal bathing soap and see if it helps--should cost you about $1.50-$2. 

It sounds like you have boils/cystic acne which can be very painful (my wife also gets this often).  Another thing that should work is a small bottle of 'Tea Tree Oil' from Ulta--this stuff when it's real, it's NOT cheap at all per ounce, something like $10 for a fraction of a fluid ounce, but it only takes a drop or two on the blemish for it to get to work in 24-48hrs.  My wife uses it all the time, and I've even used it once or twice with great results:
https://www.ulta.com/p/tea-tree-essential-oil-pimprod2006167
https://www.ulta.com/p/tea-tree-oil-xlsImpprod4190149

And continue posting here--many of us have gone through what you are going through and have made it to the other side.  And we're happy to share what worked for us. 

[Hopeoneday]

Well saided Samir and Progec..

Kakaw you will be ok , bolive me, you are stronger than this.
I been there, not knowing about thing that pois exist,
Severe cystic acne from teenegers years, no much info on internet for
acne...no info on pois etc..
For acne , you hawe meny info today,
check zink for acne, check diet..
i wuldnt recomed accutane, this drug
"destoryed" me..

[mike_sweden]

POIS is awful and debilitating. Put your hope to being the one solving this dilemma. I try new approaches all the time and find relief in this forum.

[demografx]

I texted the Suicide Prevention Hotline
(by texting Hello to 741741) to test their system.

It works well.

They also offered me this description to post @ POISCenter:

"We are a support line for all ages, providing free, 24/7 crisis support through text messaging. Learn more at:

For more texting info:
https://bit.ly/CTLfaq_ref


For telephone chat:
Click here:
1.800.273.8255




For list Of International Suicide Hotlines:
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

[demografx]

TWO (2) MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES FOR ANYONE NEEDING SUPPORT IN A CRISIS.

[1.]

I texted the Suicide Prevention Hotline
(by texting Hello to 741741) to test their system.

It works well.

They also offered me this description to post @ POISCenter:

"We are a support line for all ages, providing free, 24/7 crisis support through text messaging. Learn more at:

For more texting info:
https://bit.ly/CTLfaq_ref


For telephone chat:
Click here:
1.800.273.8255




For list Of International Suicide Hotlines:
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

[2.]

988 (telephone#) is a new system (U.S.) that recently went live to help people reach help in a mental health crisis.

[Unluckiest_Lady_Alive]

Old thread but:  To anyone feeling this way, my heart goes out to you.  I can relate to the extent that i feel severely depressed for days after an O due to this condition, but I have to remind myself it's just the illness & not permanent.  The two main types of depression--situational & biochemical--have very different treatments but it sounds like OP's is situational, i.e. due to this condition.  So focusing on ways to still have a sex life while minimizing the impact on overall functioning (work, social life, etc) should be the goal. 

I find that certain positions are worse for me, and the longer the "session," the worse the symptoms. Therefore I can still m'bate but only under certain circumstances & when I have at least 48 hours to sleep afterward.  Fatigue is my worst symptom by far.  Take note of any patterns & experiment with things to see if they help, like write it all down in a journal so you can see the patterns over time.  You're not doomed to be single forever with this; you just have to make some adjustments & be upfront with your partners. 

Also regarding the suicide hotlines:  if you're deemed to be in immediate danger & they send help, you'll be on the hook financially for it.  People without insurance might wanna consider that before calling.  Stupid American for-profit healthcare.  Suicide is always an option but should be the very LAST option after you've exhausted absolutely everything else including extreme measures like ECT.  It's permanent & is the only thing that will forever end any chance for you to improve, plus it passes all that pain onto your loved ones.  As long as you're living, there's a chance things will get better.  I've tried 26 different psych meds since I was a teen and only recently found one that makes any difference whatsoever (Adderall).  It's a marathon, not a sprint.  <3