Author Topic: MATRIX METHOD-- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF - LET GO & ACCEPT YOUR "POIS" SELF  (Read 22256 times)

po_is

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hello trader,

I'm quite intrigued by your posts. I've noticed that you've used a lot of bold text and CAPITALISATION in your recent posts. This suggests to me that perhaps something may have happened to you in June or July that awakened some strong emotions. Could it be that a new relationship may be partially responsible for the apparent joy and confidence you have displayed in this thread?

I'm really interested in understanding the factors that may have contributed to this shift.

You've mentioned that you've been seeing a therapist for almost 2 years, and alluded to depression, anxiety and OCD in your posts. Do you mind if I ask if you've been formally diagnosed with any psychiatric disorders? Do you mind providing a general overview of the areas you discussed with your therapist? Where did you start? How long did it take your therapist to conclude that your orgasm troubles were psychosomatic? How did you come to trust your therapist's judgement on this issue?

Trading has a reputation of long hours and high stress. Are you still working in this field?

How did you overcome the years of social isolation?

Thank you very much!

traderwithpois

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hello trader,

I'm quite intrigued by your posts. I've noticed that you've used a lot of bold text and CAPITALISATION in your recent posts. This suggests to me that perhaps something may have happened to you in June or July that awakened some strong emotions. Could it be that a new relationship may be partially responsible for the apparent joy and confidence you have displayed in this thread?

I'm really interested in understanding the factors that may have contributed to this shift.

You've mentioned that you've been seeing a therapist for almost 2 years, and alluded to depression, anxiety and OCD in your posts. Do you mind if I ask if you've been formally diagnosed with any psychiatric disorders? Do you mind providing a general overview of the areas you discussed with your therapist? Where did you start? How long did it take your therapist to conclude that your orgasm troubles were psychosomatic? How did you come to trust your therapist's judgement on this issue?

Trading has a reputation of long hours and high stress. Are you still working in this field?

How did you overcome the years of social isolation?

Thank you very much!

Hi po_is  8)

Thanks for joining in -- I'm happy to address all of your questions.  

First though, I want to thank the mods/admin for reopening this thread. I received some messages in my inbox from people who were disappointed that the thread had been closed, since they felt there was some worthwhile information here that needs to be discussed further still.  I'm just happy to be able to contribute in whatever way I can.

po_is, you are correct that something happened to me.  That something happened back in February when I met a girl who totally and completely colored my world.  It was extremely short lived, over just a few dates, but the emotions and experience was insanely intense.  It's been over for a long time now, but the aftershocks have continued on, as my world expands and opens up on my own for the first time in years.

I think one thing it really revealed to me was the danger of becoming too conservative of a human being and forgetting to be liberal at times.  I don't mean this in a political sense necessarilly, just more of an approach to life.  Man's natural state is to be somewhat conservative, to think very logically and to protect our loved ones so we naturally develop some fear and worry.  When we are conservative, we are living in lack, in mental poverty, so we try to hold onto things.   Liberal thinking on the other hand is big, expansive thinking.  It is broad, creative thinking.  When you are feeling more liberal you are more willing to take risks, to travel, to have fresh experiences.  I think a lot of women have a much easier time being more free, and worry-free, and liberal, since they are responding more to their emotions and move towards where they feel best at any given time.  POIS seems to me like a side effect of extreme conservative thinking for us guys.  If only we could listen to our bodies, listen to our hearts and emotions just a little bit more, I believe we have the ability to free ourselves and bring balance back into our lives.

As for my therapist, when I first started seeing her, things were really crumbling apart for me, so we dove right in and she saw the perfectionism, the anxiety, the OCD, and the depression right away.  I haven't been formally diagnosed with any other psychiatric disorders.  My therapist actually didn't know what to think when I told her about my "POIS" symptoms, it was not something she had ever really heard of (as many people on this forum have experienced when discussing with a doctor), so we were not able to delve very deeply into that issue.

I am no longer working in the corporate workplace.  I work for myself now, growing my own online business.  I wake up when I want to and only do as much work as I feel like, since my main concern is getting myself healthy again, getting the "POIS" under control, etc... while still paying my bills.  It's more fun than the hectic corporate trading stuff.  I'm not making tons of money yet, but it has the potential to become bigger in the future.

I still feel kind of socially isolated, but I've been getting out more in recent months, slowly but surely.  I've never been a huge party animal but I am digging myself out of my hole.

Also just to update everyone on my overall "POIS" progress-- I still have my moments of what feels like post-ejaculation depression, fatigue, etc. but usually only when I have not had a "healthy" orgasm meaning one where I was in the right mindset and mood.  When I do things properly and take my own advice, I end up feeling pretty good.
« Last Edit: August 21, 2013, 02:05:18 PM by traderwithpois »

over it

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What you say about women is so true.

po_is

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Re: MATRIX METHOD-- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF - LET GO & ACCEPT YOUR "POIS" SELF
« Reply #43 on: September 08, 2013, 12:23:04 PM »
Hi trader, thanks so much for your reply! I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner but I've been very busy with school.

The possibility that this condition could have a strong psychological/psychiatric component is something that I've considered for a long time, but I've been unable to determine exactly what that component is. Even if this was determined, I suspect that for some people a primarily physical cause may underlie their disorder anyway. For example, a few people reported significant improvement with treatment for underlying hypogonadism, and two others following treatment for a sleep-related breathing disorder. Even cornelius was taking atomoxetine for ADHD during the period when he first reported improvement. All of these conditions can involve cognitive deficits and/or psychiatric disturbances that may be poorly responsive to treatment unless the underlying causes are addressed.

For me, I think one of the barriers towards understanding what my psyche contributes to this syndrome is that I don't even know where to start looking! I've spent so much of my life patiently waiting for things to settle down, it's difficult sometimes to imagine that I could be much more accepting of my disorder.

If you don't mind, I would like to ask you some more questions about your own recovery.

Are there any exercises that you think might help others learn to feel more comfortable in their own skin? What worked for you?

You've talked a little about internal balance and the depletion of nutrients, and I've noticed that you seem somewhat effusive when describing the ideas that have helped you. Have you ever tried hypnosis or something similar as part of your recovery?

How do you let go? I feel like I would have to drastically change my circumstances in order to truly relax, and I'm kind of afraid to do that given how much of my life I've wasted already. How did you do it? It must have taken some balls to quit your career and set up your own business! Were there any people or circumstances you felt you needed to escape? Any doubts, logistically or spiritually?

Finally if its not too personal, I'd like to ask you more about the girl you dated :-*. How does an internet entrepreneur go about meeting a human female? Were you looking for someone at the time or did it just sort of happen? How was she different to other girls, and what would you say you learned from her during your relationship?

I'm sorry if these questions are intrusive, so please don't feel obliged to answer everything. It's not every day I get to talk to someone who's been there, if you know what I'm saying.

Thanks very much and I promise to re-watch The Matrix at my earliest convenience!

traderwithpois

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Re: MATRIX METHOD-- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF - LET GO & ACCEPT YOUR "POIS" SELF
« Reply #44 on: September 08, 2013, 05:01:31 PM »
Hi po_is,

Your post made me smile, I really enjoyed reading it.  First let me just say, please do not idealize me.  I don't consider myself 100% cured, and in fact just today I was self loathing a bit.  But, I sense deep down that for a long time now I have been on a gradual path to recovery.  I know that I am in a calmer, happier, healthier place physically, emotionally, spiritually, than I was 3 years ago, 1 year ago, and 6 months ago, but you can never stop improving.  The path to recovery is a continuous process, not a destination.  Hoping for a miracle or magic bullet solution is probably wishful thinking.

I will now answer your questions to the best of my ability.  Some of my answers my sound a bit corny, or cliche, and for that I apologize, but they are my honest answers and reflect how I feel at the moment. 

For me, I think one of the barriers towards understanding what my psyche contributes to this syndrome is that I don't even know where to start looking! I've spent so much of my life patiently waiting for things to settle down, it's difficult sometimes to imagine that I could be much more accepting of my disorder.

I agree, it is extremely difficult when one does not know where the start looking, and when all you want to do is have everything settle down so you can just crawl into a corner and breathe for a moment.  The trick I have found is that things start calming down when I start calming down, not the other way around.  Learning to be OK with me not being in control of everything was a big help.  Learning to be OK with not knowing all the answers has also been a big help.  Realizing that I am "enough", and that it's normal to not feel perfect, has been very important for me.

Are there any exercises that you think might help others learn to feel more comfortable in their own skin? What worked for you?

As for feeling comfortable in one's own skin, I think ironically I have felt best when I am most willing to embrace the discomfort.  Laughter is important.  Also, realizing that nothing is all good or all bad, all positive or all negative, all black or all white.  Life is about that grey area.  I think we often fear that if other people were to know the true extent of our problems and insecurities, they would reject us.  But actually when we just start talking, communicating, and asking for help, we learn that we are not alone, and from that sense of togetherness, comes comfort.  Also, realizing that it is OK to accept help from others sometimes, in fact other people want to help us.  Getting out and socializing, as painful and awkward as it may be at first, is also good for getting more comfortable in one's skin.

You've talked a little about internal balance and the depletion of nutrients, and I've noticed that you seem somewhat effusive when describing the ideas that have helped you. Have you ever tried hypnosis or something similar as part of your recovery?

My therapist was trained in hypnotherapy.  I think she tried a little bit on me, but I honestly don't even remember what she did on me, or if she used it at some other time.  She gave me some relaxation CD's to play when I go to sleep and they are EXTREMELY  relaxing for me.  I highly recommend looking around for something like this. 

How do you let go? I feel like I would have to drastically change my circumstances in order to truly relax, and I'm kind of afraid to do that given how much of my life I've wasted already. How did you do it? It must have taken some balls to quit your career and set up your own business! Were there any people or circumstances you felt you needed to escape? Any doubts, logistically or spiritually?

Letting go is not easy, and I don't have the perfect answer for you.  You might want to research it for yourself and see what resonates with you.  What I can say, is that it is a process, not a single event or destination.  You can imagine it as a gentle unraveling as you get more and more comfortable letting others around you take the heavy burden off of you so that you can focus more on things that you really enjoy thinking about. 

I also feel sometimes like I've wasted some of my life, but it's important to stay positive and remind ourselves that everything does happen for a reason, and ultimately all of this is helpful because it allows us to become more complex individuals with more depth of personality.

The way I got into my current business, I basically fell into it after I was essentially fired from a trading job when I was slamming into a physical and emotional brick wall.  Of course at the time I absolutely hated the people at work and didn't want to be around them for a second longer.  Probably today I would get along better with them, due to me being in a somewhat healthier place, but it's all in the past now.  Of course there was an insane amount of personal disappointment and sheer terror at what would happen next-- it felt at the time like my life was over.  In reality, it was closer to my life starting to begin.  I really had no choice at that point but to find something to do on my own, since I didn't even have the energy to look for another job.  Nevertheless, I scrambled to find something to do to pay my bills, and it's been growing ever since.  I still feel a bit like I'm in the gerbil wheel, but I think that feeling has been fading as life opens up a bit more all the time and I get more comfortable returning to feeling like a "human being" rather than a "human doing". 

Finally if its not too personal, I'd like to ask you more about the girl you dated :-*. How does an internet entrepreneur go about meeting a human female? Were you looking for someone at the time or did it just sort of happen? How was she different to other girls, and what would you say you learned from her during your relationship?

If you had asked me at any time during my corporate jobs if I wanted to meet a girl, I would have said absolutely, I would have killed to socialize, but looking back, my mindset was so closed, and I was in such a dark place emotionally, that even if I had met someone, nothing would have happened.  I was emotionally dead for a long time, in a vicious negative cycle of isolation, with massive emotional walls put up.  After about a year on my own doing my little business stuff, an online friend that I met encouraged me to sign up for online dating.  I was really cynical about it, since I felt no good could come from it, and it was for losers.  But, I did it anyway, I started messaging some girls, some responded and we had brief conversations online, and before long, a girl messaged me, we did the witty banter thing.  Even though I desperately wanted to go out on a date, I also didn't really take her very seriously since I just thought she was some cute little dumb whore.   I was just happy to finally have a date again, and hopefully get a blowjob too, and I figured since life seemed to suck for me anyways, I had nothing to lose nowadays, so I might as well just let her into my heart from the get-go -- whoever she was -- and not bring any expectations or try too hard, which is something I've never really done with girls before. Well, letting go and making myself vulnerable with her turned out to be the magic formula, since the sparks flew like nothing I'd ever experienced.  She was incredibly patient and listened to me, my story, my experience.  It was truly magical... fairy tale like.  I came home from that first date thinking "wow, I just met the girl of my dreams".  It felt like I was floating on a cloud.  Even my therapist said most people probably don't have such an intense experience. 

What happened after that became a big mess, but I think I'm just happy that it happened and I seem to be in a better place today.  It feels like ever since I met the girl, my mind has been converting every part of my daily life to "level up" to what I felt and experienced when I was with the girl.  So, probably if I were to meet her again today, it would not feel quite as magical.  The best way I can describe it is if you gave a poor person in China a delicious well cooked Sirloin steak, and they thought it was the best meal they had ever eaten, and then in the next 6 months they starting changing their life one day at a time until they were eating Sirloin steaks every single day, so that poor Chinese person would need something a whole lot more satisfying since they have become somewhat desensitized to the delicious steaks since its just a regular dinner for them now. 

LAPOISSE

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Re: MATRIX METHOD-- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF - LET GO & ACCEPT YOUR "POIS" SELF
« Reply #45 on: October 14, 2013, 02:14:15 PM »
I remember the first time I read Cornelius thread...I wanted so badly that he was wrong...Look in this direction was so hard to admit...so I looked the other way...and eat tons of vitamin and herbs for 2 years

After working on my anxiety in doing meditation and 6 appointment with a good comportemental and cognitive therapist...I feel differently...

I'm 100% agree with traderwithPOIS

Daveman

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Re: MATRIX METHOD-- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF - LET GO & ACCEPT YOUR "POIS" SELF
« Reply #46 on: October 15, 2013, 05:55:31 AM »
That treatment has to help with symptoms, but I'm afraid LAPOISSE, it won't cure your POIS.

You'll see as the research starts to unfold. Meantime, if it helps you , by all means!

WITHOUT RESEARCH THERE WILL BE NO CURE!
Sessions 5 to 9 days, mostly Flu-like, joints, digestion problems, light cognitive.
Niacin has changed my lif though, now 1 day MAX.
Somewhere in this interaction with Niacin is the answer!

Andre2505

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hello trader,

I'm quite intrigued by your posts. I've noticed that you've used a lot of bold text and CAPITALISATION in your recent posts. This suggests to me that perhaps something may have happened to you in June or July that awakened some strong emotions. Could it be that a new relationship may be partially responsible for the apparent joy and confidence you have displayed in this thread?

I'm really interested in understanding the factors that may have contributed to this shift.

You've mentioned that you've been seeing a therapist for almost 2 years, and alluded to depression, anxiety and OCD in your posts. Do you mind if I ask if you've been formally diagnosed with any psychiatric disorders? Do you mind providing a general overview of the areas you discussed with your therapist? Where did you start? How long did it take your therapist to conclude that your orgasm troubles were psychosomatic? How did you come to trust your therapist's judgement on this issue?

Trading has a reputation of long hours and high stress. Are you still working in this field?

How did you overcome the years of social isolation?

Thank you very much!

Hi po_is  8)

Thanks for joining in -- I'm happy to address all of your questions. 

First though, I want to thank the mods/admin for reopening this thread. I received some messages in my inbox from people who were disappointed that the thread had been closed, since they felt there was some worthwhile information here that needs to be discussed further still.  I'm just happy to be able to contribute in whatever way I can.

po_is, you are correct that something happened to me.  That something happened back in February when I met a girl who totally and completely colored my world.  It was extremely short lived, over just a few dates, but the emotions and experience was insanely intense.  It's been over for a long time now, but the aftershocks have continued on, as my world expands and opens up on my own for the first time in years.

I think one thing it really revealed to me was the danger of becoming too conservative of a human being and forgetting to be liberal at times.  I don't mean this in a political sense necessarilly, just more of an approach to life.  Man's natural state is to be somewhat conservative, to think very logically and to protect our loved ones so we naturally develop some fear and worry.  When we are conservative, we are living in lack, in mental poverty, so we try to hold onto things.   Liberal thinking on the other hand is big, expansive thinking.  It is broad, creative thinking.  When you are feeling more liberal you are more willing to take risks, to travel, to have fresh experiences.  I think a lot of women have a much easier time being more free, and worry-free, and liberal, since they are responding more to their emotions and move towards where they feel best at any given time.  POIS seems to me like a side effect of extreme conservative thinking for us guys.  If only we could listen to our bodies, listen to our hearts and emotions just a little bit more, I believe we have the ability to free ourselves and bring balance back into our lives.

As for my therapist, when I first started seeing her, things were really crumbling apart for me, so we dove right in and she saw the perfectionism, the anxiety, the OCD, and the depression right away.  I haven't been formally diagnosed with any other psychiatric disorders.  My therapist actually didn't know what to think when I told her about my "POIS" symptoms, it was not something she had ever really heard of (as many people on this forum have experienced when discussing with a doctor), so we were not able to delve very deeply into that issue.

I am no longer working in the corporate workplace.  I work for myself now, growing my own online business.  I wake up when I want to and only do as much work as I feel like, since my main concern is getting myself healthy again, getting the "POIS" under control, etc... while still paying my bills.  It's more fun than the hectic corporate trading stuff.  I'm not making tons of money yet, but it has the potential to become bigger in the future.

I still feel kind of socially isolated, but I've been getting out more in recent months, slowly but surely.  I've never been a huge party animal but I am digging myself out of my hole.

Also just to update everyone on my overall "POIS" progress-- I still have my moments of what feels like post-ejaculation depression, fatigue, etc. but usually only when I have not had a "healthy" orgasm meaning one where I was in the right mindset and mood.  When I do things properly and take my own advice, I end up feeling pretty good.
What job do you do now?

quiteQuiet

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Re: MATRIX METHOD-- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF - LET GO & ACCEPT YOUR "POIS" SELF
« Reply #48 on: September 14, 2024, 03:19:11 PM »
Very interesting older thread, just read what OP wrote. Interesting, some of it matches my own realizations and findings (see my blog on this forum) about how there needs to equal attention to the mind i.e. healing the mind, and what we have been through, meaning the trapped emotions that are tied to unpleasant memories and experiences we have had.

So I think pois like a bird has two wings. The mind/emotions/memories/brain patterns/brain waves and then the body.
Right now, I'm of the opionion, that if someone was to experience healing of that aspect of pois, he surely will feel amazing. Compared to having full on pois that is. So that is to say, we must not neglect or forget to try to heal that aspect of ourselves aswell and not just take supplements for the body.

But at the same time, I genuinely don't understand how someone who truly experienced the horrible symptoms of pois would say that the real you is the pois-you. It's like saying the flu-you is the real you. Not trynna be disrespectful here. Just saying, that normally you know when you are sick that you are sick. The only way someone would say this (I feel- but maybe I'm wrong) is if he just felt some decrease in energy after having an orgasm but not really terrible symptoms that stopped him from doing work, practising his favourite sport, playing his favorite instrument, going for a walk, meeting people, even people you were touchy and having banter with just yesterday etc. And day by day it gets better, much like a sickness. Until you are able to do all those things.

AnnastasiaP

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Re: MATRIX METHOD-- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF - LET GO & ACCEPT YOUR "POIS" SELF
« Reply #49 on: September 15, 2024, 05:50:02 AM »
First of all we have to take into consideration the fact that the post was written a decade ago by the specific OP. Second of all POIS was still regarded as being in an infant state of study being only recognized in 2002 as its own unique plethora of possible underlying health difficulties either psycho-somatic or actual derivatives that were resulting from the process of orgasming. As you are pointing out - 'How can one say that the POIS- self is the actual self'. That consideration might have just been the result of that person's own process of cognition and ways of coping, thus a coping mechanism.

quiteQuiet

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Re: MATRIX METHOD-- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF - LET GO & ACCEPT YOUR "POIS" SELF
« Reply #50 on: September 16, 2024, 04:43:55 AM »
First of all we have to take into consideration the fact that the post was written a decade ago by the specific OP. Second of all POIS was still regarded as being in an infant state of study being only recognized in 2002 as its own unique plethora of possible underlying health difficulties either psycho-somatic or actual derivatives that were resulting from the process of orgasming. As you are pointing out - 'How can one say that the POIS- self is the actual self'. That consideration might have just been the result of that person's own process of cognition and ways of coping, thus a coping mechanism.

Yes, definitely. I'm not knocking OP's experience or view of pois. Maybe OP did have pois but a mild version?! I think I have relatively mild version aswell, although I have wished and prayed I would not wake up in the morning due to the distress caused by pois symptoms more times than I can count. But some have it even worse, much longer than a week (longer obviously if I had a relapse).

Letting go is indeed powerful. When I was younger and didn't know what I was suffering from exactly, I would meditate and practice letting go and acceptance and forgiveness a lot. In hindsight, I think that's how I survived those initial years of pois onset. It definitely helped. Maybe not as much as supplements and so on, but looking back I'm glad something drove me to do that type of meditation back then. In recent years I have not done as much meditation as back in the day, since I found good supplements. Still doing some type of meditation daily, just not to that level. I want to do as much meditation as I did back then, again. Now with good supplements, it must be even moreso helpful.
It's just that through the years I have made some unpleasant memories and now almost 2 decades later, it is more painful to unpack everything in terms of emotions and work through everythings, releasing unpleasant memories and so on. But step by step, I'm sure I'm gonna get there.
Just sharing, also to say, that yes some form inner letting go practice, some form meditation like that is definitely helpful aswell.

Robson

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Re: MATRIX METHOD-- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF - LET GO & ACCEPT YOUR "POIS" SELF
« Reply #51 on: September 17, 2024, 03:11:52 PM »
I agree with you in part!

In fact, I believe that Pois is like a creeping plant, that is, we often think we are treating the problem, when in fact we are only treating the symptoms that were generated by it: the root of the problem seems not to have been found yet.

I am already 80% cured of Pois! And what do I mean by that?

That I have already treated practically all the symptoms (anxiety, depression, irregular bowel movements, intolerance to certain foods, dysbiosis, etc...), but the cause still remains.

Well, as I said, I believe our colleague is partly right, because I myself have already written some posts talking about this:
that when I masturbate with a lot of foreplay, without any stress, using a lot of lubricating gel; touching all points of my penis equally and ejaculating slowly, the symptoms seem to be much less severe.

This proves a theory that I think I have already posted here, but if I haven't I intend to post it.
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